A Pound for a Brown on the Bus

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 79564

It has been thirty minutes since the ungodly obese fellow with poor fashion taste entered the service station restroom with the February 2000 issue of Hustler in his pudgy, sweaty hands. The man has been screaming out euphemisms for rectal functions as loud as possible ever since he walked into the bathroom, and he's even managed to drown out some of the uglier noises his body was making while parked on the porcelain throne.

Sara and Jasper Hewitt have been listening in from the other side of the store, almost in awe at how long this man was going in his bathroom chores...

"Big brown man knocking on the back door!" the man in the washroom cried out. "Drop a load! Agent Brown! Taking a Sarah Palin! One-gun salute! Shitting a flock of sparrows! Bustin' a grumpy!"

"HEY!" Jasper suddenly exclaims.
"You fat loser! That last one's not even on the list!" Sara yells towards the bathroom.
"Sorry, my bad!" the man calls out from the restroom. "Anyway...hit paydirt! Making a deposit at the porcelain bank! Pissin' out of my ass! Bum gravy! Mating call of the barking spider! Pack your underwear! Montezuma's revenge! Trouser trumpet! Drop a bomb! Aaaarrrghhh!"

A massive fireball rushes from where the restroom used to be. In no time, most of the store is ablaze. Still, there seemed to be the unmistakable sound of flatulence coming from ground zero.

"Man, he really had to go!" Jasper marvels as the flames get closer and closer.
"Forget it, Jasper!" Sara yells, grabbing Jasper by the arm. "We gotta get out of here! Move, move, MOVE!"

As the Hewitt cousins exit the service station and sprint past the gas pumps, making sure to duck underneath the UFO that is still parked out there waiting for service, they hear screaming from the burning building. Scared witless, Sara and Jasper keep running.

"Seeking...revenge...for the brown...bomber! BOTTOM BLAST!!" a voice cries out. After the last word is heard, the biggest recorded incident of flatulence in county history erupts from what once was a service station restroom as a dying obese man with third degree burns covering most of his body breaks wind for what may be the final time, creating an even bigger fireball that incinerates what's left of the service station, the UFO, as well as several acres of forest. The sound of explosions fill the air. Sara and Jasper keep running.

The cousins collapse in exhaustion in a clearing next to the two lane road.

  1. Sara and Jasper catch their breath.
  2. Sara and Jasper are overcome by the fumes in the air.
  3. They find Scott sitting on a tree stump with a box of matches in his hand. "Myth confirmed, I think?" he says.
  4. Somehow, the obese man survives.

Add New Option

Go Back

View Forward Story Tree
View Back Story Tree

Ben McClellan

9/4/2008 10:36:38 PM

Linking Enabled

Extending Enabled

The Never Ending Quest Home

Extend-A-Story Home

24905519 episodes viewed since 9/30/2002 1:22:06 PM.

Do not click me.