How's My Driving, Doug Hastings?

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 78098

Walters ushers in the final stage of the interview by doing an enticing strip-tease on the imposter Lots. In one fell swoop she has managed to rip aside her gaudy pantsuit, revealing the glory of her sagging, swaying breasts - the nipples of which are barely concealed beneath red, hand-knit nipple doylies. She shakes her hips about like Katharine Hepburn in a 7.0 magnitude earth quake, causing the aforementioned boobies to spin and flop about in wide, crazy circles. Sometimes the boobies collide and a loud smack can be heard for miles. At first Josh is delighted (and who wouldn't be? Flopping titties are neat!), but as the boobies get closer, like the deadly spinning blades of a twin-turbine airliner, he begins to grow more and more nervous.

The shows producer jumps out from the sorcerous shadows and commands the cameramen to stop shooting. “What are you doing, are you fucking crazy!?” he screams at a befuddled looking Walters.

Walters, stunned by the sudden interruption, turns too quickly and one her boobs hits the man’s right hand, severing it from his gangly, flailing arm. His anguished wails of horror are drowned out by Josh’s own pitiful baying. Walters looks completely out of it. She’s passed out on the couch, mouth a droolin’ like Courtney Love staring through drug-blurred eyes at a menu in a burger joint at 2 o'clock in the morning after a five day bender with one bare tit hanging loose while a homeless guy suckles on it like a hungry infant.

  1. Josh runs over and removes the nipple-doylies from Barbara's withered nipples.
  2. The Ghost of Scott appears and declares to all that this is an imposter Lots. Typical Scott in full affect. What a rat!
  3. The show producer's hand begins moving of it's own accord. It attacks a sound tech.
  4. Bill O'Reilly stumbles in, drunk and confused. He's carrying the biggest bottle of Jamieson whiskey anyone has ever seen.

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6/20/2008 2:43:53 PM

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