Plebug, plebuger, plebugest

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 86736

"Before we go on," the unicorn intoned, "the last author seems to have missed my name. I'm Valerie."

"Spock here," the Story Cop replied, reaching down to grasp Valerie's raised front hoof briefly. "Pleased to meet you."

"Mister or Doctor?" Fred asked tiredly.

"Well, Grand Moff actually. And that isn't really as important as it sounds. In the Story Cops Corps (say that three times fast) it's more like... Lieutenant."

Ah, military ranks. Now that was a subject Fred felt far more at home with. Unfortunately the feeling lasted a whole second before Valerie had to ruin it all by bringing up plebug again.

"Now plebug," Grand Moff Spock construed, "is our reference dimension. It's a bit like north. To make sense out of a map, you turn towards the north to orient yourself (a term which actually means to turn towards the east but there is no need to get into that). Generally we don't measure it, we just care about the direction."

"Now I get it!" Valerie claimed. "Plebug is that way." And with those bold words, she tossed her head in a way Fred would have sworn to be impossible, but that just goes to show doesn't it?

"Thank you." Spock started fiddling with the device on his wrist again. "Would you say it was more frimward or more twaalike?"

Valerie pondered for a moment, her gaze drifting in a direction Fred had not previously been aware existed. "Twaalike," she replied. "Definitely twaalike. Now about plebug, you don't actually measure it?"

"It would be asking you how north it is. Besides it's complicated by the fact that the dimension is simultaneously (well, as simultaneous as you can get in the higher dimensions anyway) both infinitely small and infinitely large."

It was at this point, give or take a millizwoo, that Fred got infinitely bored.

  1. He dances a little jig.
  2. He demands pizza.
  3. His head implodes.
  4. He accuses the authors of just making it up as they go along. Darn, he's on to us.
  5. He wanders off to kill the dragon with a toothpick.
  6. He starts undressing Valerie with his eyes. Of course that means he must first visualize her as a woman with clothes.
  7. He accepts the challenge to say "Story Cops Corps" three times fast.
  8. He does Something Else.
  9. Another character appears, which to everyone's surprise actually makes things less complicated.
  10. How north is it anyway?

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5/30/2009 11:18:28 PM

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