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Beep beep!
Bill Murray, still in the Staircase Room and on the phone with his future
self, notices that there's a very unusual call identified on the cell
phone's screen:
Past G.C. 555-512-3672
"Hang on, future Bill, I think I'm getting a call from Past...George
Carlin?"
"That's exactly right!"
"How did you...oh yeah, don't answer that. Stupid question."
"Not at all. I'll be waiting for you. Take the call, take your time,
past self!"
Bill switches over. "Hello, George?"
"It's a trap, man!"
In case you were scoring at home, or even if you're by yourself, this
would be a 36 year old George Carlin, calling all the way back from 1972,
during the middle of his first true success after shedding his suit and
clean cut image, and becoming the world's oldest hippie. Not surprising
to Bill in 2009, George sounds like he had plenty of marijuana for
breakfast, as he sounds stoned out of his gourd, but still pretty
cheerful.
"Well George, I sorta gathered this was a trap. I am interested in
knowing how you know this all the way back in 1972, though."
"I had a vision in my Rice Krispies, Bill. Don't ask how I managed to
dial someone in 2009, fuck, that's a long time away from now.
That's my secret, man."
"You did acid for breakfast, too, didn't you?"
"Oh yeah! I just came down a few minutes ago. It wasn't a very good
trip, man, so I won't be doing that shit anymore. Smoking it, sure, but
dropping it? Never again! Aw, great, Brenda's falling down the stairs
drunk again. Bill, I'd better go, but can you answer me a couple of
questions?"
"Sure, since I already know you probably can't help me out in 1972, and
I've already been told by my future self that I won't be here very long.
Now, George, whaddya wanna know?"
"First, who's winning the election this year?"
"Nixon in a landslide. Oh, and keep an eye on those two reporters
Woodward and Bernstein from the Washington Post. They know what
they're talking about! Let's just say things'll get real
interesting in the next couple of years."
"Woodward and Bernstein, huh? Duly noted. I can tell you that I do not
trust that Nixon asshole. He looks like he hasn't had a good bowel
movement since the Great Depression. That's neither here nor there, man.
Bill, my other question is, do you know when I'll die?"
Murray is absolutely stunned. Finally, after some frantic thinking, he
lies: "George, as of today, you are still alive, healthy, and still the
best stand up comedian of all time."
"I'm gonna live that long? Man! Thanks for taking my call, Bill."
"Any time at all, past George, any time at all."
After past Carlin hangs up, Bill cringes. "I've been here way too long,"
he says out loud. "This room's starting to affect me bad. I never
lie! Why did I lie to him?"
It was too late now...
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Bill switches back to his future self.
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Bill tries to call Past George back, but fails.
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Bill somehow succeeds in contacting Past George through another method.
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Suddenly, three people come up the staircase. It's Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker! Things are gonna get wacky now!
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