The Right To Buy Weapons is The Right To Be Free

"Not quite," said van Vogt. "But in any event, you likely would not want to use one of them in a close fight. A matter of sheer scale, you see--the explosive yield of this device is sufficient to annihilate a smallish city--or a very large one, for that matter. While such a device has obvious military applications, its sheer power makes it somewhat problematic to use in confined quarters. Unless one intends a suicide defense, of course."

Lord Fred goggled.

"However, thanks to the current value of gold in most universes, the amount you have would be more than sufficient to buy any number of other items in this shop, most of which would be much more suitable for persons such as yourselves..." He noticed Astra had crossed her arms and was shivering--the shop was a bit chilly, and the multiple shocks of the last few hours were catching up to her. He rummaged around in a pocket for a bit, and came back with a bracelet with a disk to it. "Here. A gift for the beautiful lady."

She cautiously took it, blushing slightly, and examined the bracelet closely. The bracelet was made of a silvery, flexible material that looked a bit like metal, but felt nothing at all like it. On the surface of the disk was a fig leaf, but it was otherwise unadorned. It was as flexible as a spring; experimentally, she bent it, and it sprang instantly back into shape. She finally crumpled it into a ball in her fist, only to marvel as the artifact instantly returned to normal afteward she opened her fist, as good as new. She slid it onto her wrist, and jumped slightly as it shrank to fit perfectly. The fig leaf disappeared, to be replaced by a tiny glassy surface with dots and dashes marked in a language she couldn't read. "What...IS this?" she asked.

"Language recognized; changing display settings to match," said the bracelet. She jumped again. You know, you're going to have to get used to this eventually, she thought to herself furiously. Why not now? The display HAD changed, she saw--it was now marked in English, and some of the spots were labelled "Environment," "Sensor," "AutoMedic," "Armor," and "Clothing," and "Use and Maintenance Handbook," among others. Many others.

She hesitantly touched the button marked "clothing," and the other circles and tabs disappeared, to be replaced instead by a display showing tiny colored drawings of clothes. "Touch the first one," Van Vogt suggested.

She did so. The material of the bracelet suddenly went liquid, and flowed rapidly up her arm before she could move. In under a second, she was covered from head to toe with the silvery material. In the next, it had shaped itself into a perfectly serviceable coverall, as comfortable as anything she had ever worn, and her skin felt as clean and smooth as if she had just climbed from the bath. "Magic," she breathed. Sir Fred stared as if he had been gut-punched.

"To be sure, some have certainly called Elder femtotechnology that, milady," said van Vogt. "A most useful tool, as ubiquitous in some worlds as knives are in yours. And far more versatile, I might add." Astra scrolled through the menu of possible clothing, footwear and other articles, astonished at the sheer variety of things there, and then touched an arrow which returned to the first page. She touched the "Armor" tab, and was treated to an equally amazing page. She tapped the first image on the listing, and her simple coverall suddenly sprouted hard, lightweight plates, complete with a helmet and faceplate. "The bracelet can provide effective protection against extremes of heat and cold, pressure equivalent to a depth of more than two miles of ocean, poisonous atmospheres, or against the vacuum and radiation of deep space, and even excess gravitational force and extreme acceleration. Its defense module can protect the wearer from most projectiles and the majority of energy weapons, and a wide variety of chemical and biological hazards, all automatically--even if you are incapacitated. It can even provide complete life-support and comes with a full medical suite capable of repairing all but the most grievous of injuries. It is powered by an accelerated proton decay cell, with an effective lifespan far in excess of your own. And best of all," he said. "As you have no doubt noted, the Fig Leaf is quite stylish."

"I can't take this," she gasped. She hadn't understood nine words in ten that the man had said, save that the device would protect the wearer of its own volition. "This has to be worth a whole kingdom's fortune--"

"Indeed," said van Vogt. "If I may..?" He reached over and gently took her arm, then scrolled rapidly through several screens to arrive at a page with a tiny image of a Fig Leaf bracelet. He touched the icon, and released her hand. Astra and Fred watched curiously.

The disk flashed once. The surface of the bracelet began to visibly thicken. In seconds, a seam formed that spread around the bracelet, and a ribbon of silvery material spooled off of the Fig Leaf that Astra wore. van Vogt caught it before it could hit the floor and held it up for both of them to see. The ribbon curled in his hand and stiffened, and a round disk began to form on the upper side. In a few more seconds, he was holding a perfect copy of the first disk, an emblem of a fig leaf forming on the surface. "The enlightened designers of this trinket believed that vital technology should be free to all. Like all of their tools, the Fig Leaf is self-replicating, within certain limits." He handed the new bracelet to Sir Fred. "A gift from the lady to you, sir. This one will not be ready to copy itself for some days to come, but it is fully usable now."

Velus sniffed of the bracelet and whined.

Fred hesitantly put the bracelet on, and tried not to react as the Fig Leaf shaped itself to his much larger wrist. "And now, sir and madame, as you have surely noticed, this is a store that provides weapons for the common man or woman. If the two of you would come this way..."

They followed through the store, through twisting aisles and racks of more and more varied weapons than Fred or Astra had seen before in their entire lives, or had ever imagined possible in their wildest fantasies. Here they saw a rack of swords of a hundred different types, perfectly ordinary but for the fact that they were capable of slicing through flesh, steel and stone with equal ease; there a cabinet full of rifles which fired around corners, through walls and mountains ("Or even," van Vogt had said solemnly, "Through time." They were unable to decide whether to believe him or not, though the price was certainly extremely reasonable, and both decided to select a smaller one). They saw rooms filled with exotic boats and craft that flew through the air. In one vast showroom, they saw a slowly rotating platform with a gargantuan war machine the size of a castle--quite literally--painted in drab desert camouflage, cannons the size of redwood trunks sprouting from great turrets on its upper surface, and multiple decorations welded to its glacis. "Bolo MK-XXXIII-e, Unit 33/T-515-LNE, DINOCHROME BRIGADE," the sign in front read. "EXHIBITION MODEL ONLY--INQUIRE ABOUT EZ FINANCING!" Workmen in safety harness stood on the upper deck with polishing machines, buffing the armor to a shine.

van Vogt caught them staring and chuckled in amusement. "A bit beyond your price range, I would think," he said.

In yet another room, racks of crossbows and pistols lined the walls, with signs noting their particular abilities. "The Mobius Arms .003mm Contender infinite repeating handgun," said van Vogt. "Powered by the same long-lasting energy cells that power your Fig Leaves, and quite handy for those who find themselves travelling through dimensions. An interesting feature of this class of firearm is that it manufactures its own ammunition from water, and so it effectively carries infinite ammo. The weapon is able to penetrate lightweight armor with ease, and operates equally well in atmosphere or vacuum." He handed one pistol to Sir Fred. "It comes equipped with an an interesting safety feature..."

Before Sir Fred could react, van Vogt stepped back a couple of meters, raised a pistol, and fired into the knight's face. Astra gasped. Velus snarled, and was restrained from leaping at van Vogt only by Astra's firm grip.

A foot in front of Fred's face, a silvery lump of material sat embedded in the faintly glowing hemisphere of force which had formed around him at the instant van Vogt had fired. The field shut off when the proprietor lowered the weapon, and the smashed bullet fell to the floor with a clank. Velus sniffed cautiously at it, and jumped back when it evaporated a few seconds later. "The gun generates a personal shield when it detects hostile fire," he said. "The user can fire through it, while others cannot. Very handy, though heavier weapons can potentially penetrate."

"Don't ever...ever...ever...do that again," said Sir Fred through clenched teeth.

"Of course, sir. Here," He took the gun from Fred's hand, tapped a key on the side, and then tossed it into a corner. "Now call to it."

"Call it? Like what? 'Here, gun!' Do I whistle or--"

He looked at the pistol, which was back in his hand. Sure enough, the corner was empty. "How did that happen?"

"Your intent called the gun, which teleported to your hand. It has a range of more than half a mile, and can teleport through stone, metal or soil. Disarming you by any normal means is virtually impossible...save by foul magic or dangerous technologies possessed by very few agencies throughout the multiverse." van Vogt looked very slightly smug. "This one is one of my most popular sellers, and quite reasonably priced."

"We'll take two," said Astra, taking an identical pistol, before Fred could say anything.

An hour of shopping later, both of them carried two rifles capable of shooting through walls and around corners, the two Infinite Repeater pistols, a pair of matching his-and-hers holsters with internal pockets which were far larger on the inside than the outside, a case of grenades which could explode, implode, stun or teleport objects depending on their settings, and a strange handgun that opened portals through walls and floors. At Astra's side hung a long sword that could slice down a large tree in one easy swipe ("A most superior weapon--+5," assured van Vogt) while an amazingly lightweight battleaxe was strapped to Fred's back. ("Extremely effective against dragons, liches, the undead and hostile plantlife."). Each of them had a jeweled dagger in a sheath around their thighs, which van Vogt assured them solemnly were forged from the shards of a god's heart--he had demonstrated their cutting ability by whittling a chunk of basalt into a passable bust of Astra. Velus carried a bag of his own, containing a collar that could transform into armor--Fred carried an extra pistol and a matched set of daggers for the dog, for whenever he was transformed back into a boy

At the checkout, they counted out 8 massive gold sovereigns, and van Vogt gave them change. He handed them business cards, which they pocketed. "An advertisement and a discount coupon as well, should you require one. Simply read the card, and you may find a store nearby, if you require my services again. My prices are most reasonable, and my goods guaranteed, but all sales are final."

"What a strange, bizarre little man," mused Astra. She turned around. "And what a strange, bizarre little store. How could such a tiny place hold so much--"

She fell silent. Fred turned to see what she was looking at.

They stood there for several seconds, looking at the blank brick wall where the deceptively tiny store had been only a moment before. All three of them cocked their head to stare.

"You know," she said finally. "As strange as this is, I find it less strange than the talking cockroach I saw earlier. Is it possible that I'm actually getting USED to this?"

1. They hit the food court--what marvels does the Multiversal Mall have in store there?
2. They stop at a huge map that reads "YOU ARE HERE" to try to get their bearings.
3. They sit down on a bench. Astra decides to see what else the Fig Leaves can do.
4. They wander the concourse, idly looking at the amazing variety of goods, services and the beings who purchase them.
5. Someone they know appears.
6. Without warning, they're attacked.
7. Velus whines and goes trotting off. The other two follow him.

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