A Musical Interlude

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 66500

"I don't think that the lion could have read the script," Astra said, as the beast started tearing Fred to shreds. "Shouldn't it have been cowardly? Still, to look on the bright side, at least my deafness seems to have miraculously cleared up. I can hear Fred's screams perfectly well."

"Won't that lion attack us once it has finished with Fred?" the Scarecrow asked nervously. "Which won't be long, by the look of it."

"They say that you can charm wild beasts with music," Astra said. Without more ado, she launched into song:

My breasts would not be jigglin',
My friends would not be oglin',
And their eyes would stop a-bogglin',
If I only had a bra.

I'm reduced to a sex object,
It makes me feel so abject.
Things would not be quite so wrong,
If I only had a thong.

I hope it's not too silly
To suggest just willy-nilly,
That I'd not feel quite so chilly
If I only wore a vest.

I'm not just a piece of crumpet,
Nor yet some foolish strumpet.
I suppose I've got to lump it,
But I wish I had a dress.

[Linguistic note: As a properly brought-up princess, Astra naturally speaks British English. Thus "vest" means "undershirt", "piece of crumpet" means "woman who is hawt", "strumpet" is an archaic term for "whore", and "lump it" means "put up with it".]

  1. The lion was duly charmed.
  2. The lion was frightened away by the terrible racket,
  3. The lion attacked Astra.
  4. Horrors! There are more verses!

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JH (with apologies to the original lyricist)

4/9/2007 1:28:05 PM

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