Then it got difficult . . .

Rei III

That's when I hear the gunshots, squeal of tires, and shouting!

Tell me, just how did this situation degenerate to such a state? Maybe it was in part due to the fact I was so deep in thought I failed to realize what was going on about me until it was UPON me.

Here is somewhat of a summary of the line of thought (if you could call the jumbled mess it was anything as orderly as a line). Be warned, it rambles and that . . . is rather unlike me. Anyway, here it is.

Dear sister, your gift has caused me to question and ponder things. For each answer I'd come upon today, this new insight has caused MORE questions to appear! Granted. With the regaining of memories it was like suddenly like . . . Well, it was like a man who'd been born blind suddenly not ONLY gaining his vision back, but being given the knowledge needed to be ABLE to understand the new sense. . . . or at least the beginnings to understand it.

. . .

I seem to have . . . come upon a rather disjointing observation while briefly meeting those who my sister called her . . . family. The mystical connection (whatever physic connection I and my sister) that somehow captured my heart with HER seems to have come into play here again. This time it was . . . more like a question asked within me. Whether or not I accept it was up to me.

. . .

Think me not a fool but . . . for so LONG I have been alone. Lonely all my life, but not even KNOWING what I was feeling (only that I was feeling something and it . . . did not agree with me shall we say). It is like dieing of thirst, in a way, that you take any offer without thought.

I did not even give thought to NOT saying trying to deny the bonds that formed between me and my sister's parents!

Something was something odd about it. Memories of prior existence tell me that I care deeply for Rei II's adopted parents; care for them DEEPLY. And if feels so GOOD, these feelings. Why, that is why I still care for Commander Ikari, even though he and Shinji Ikari (his own SON) do not get along at ALL. I mean, I look back and have to ask myself why the Commander treats his own son like that, a tool!

Maybe I should step in and try to bring them together? Serve as a bridge?

. . .

Do I dare? I mean . . . I'm so NEW with actually being able to know what emotions are. No, of COURSE I shouldn't even do that! My God, surely I'd bumble it with my well meaning intentions and I'd get both Ikaris mad at me for it! I don't want that!

Yes, I'm now able to at least label the feelings and emotions within my heart and soul. It is MUCH more than what I had before my sister's gift to me, but she HAD said quiet simply it would be only the first step down a long (and perhaps never ending) road. Nobody, it is said, totally understands emotions. Nobody totally understands each other.

Or should I say . . . nobody will totally be able to understand each other until Instrumentality! I mean, with all the barriers between souls lowered and people combined nobody need to be lonely or afraid. I mean, I will be FULLY be able to share my mind and soul with Shinji and . . .

. . .

And . . .and . . .

. . .

And everyone else?

Pardon me? Did I just, just only a while ago destroy MY old body and Eva Unit 00 in order to avoid something similar happening with that Bitch Angel? It had invaded me. Assimilated me, almost and had attempted to also merge with Eva Unit 01 and it's pilot: Shinji. I only wanted to share myself with him, mind and soul, and NOT have . . . unwelcome guests.

Oh, wait! I do believe I know now somewhat just WHY I've gone and suddenly trusted and loved this woman who I call sister. She's me in a way (don't ask me how I know . . . just that my heart knows at some level it is true), just from another time track. A splitting off of potential outcomes and decisions. I do believe that at least besides having survived her version of the attacking Angel which had killed my prior form that the path to Instrumentality. Maybe it didn't work as WELL as what I am going to attempt for the Commander (and all of humanity) . . . but somehow it is more . . . pleasing to me. Selective sharing and lowering of barriers. Degrees of sharing. Relationships with none of the long "song and dance" to build up to it. AND it is given freely and not forced upon you.

Maybe that is why my sister and her family was so antsy to see the Commander and those within NERV: a different approach to Instrumentality? One that is not quiet so . . . invasive? I mean, their way isn't as complete of alteration to humankind as what I was created to help bring about. However, I will argue that perhaps this smaller step up the evolutionary ladder might be a bit nicer. Maybe they want to share that option with NERV's head?

Now THAT I like a lot.

As for their version, I'm willing to bet that the degrees and types are indicative of the types of sharing of mind and soul between LOVERS is perhaps the deepest and most moving bonds happen between those who wish to be lovers. Sort of what I wish to do with Shinji, right?

Right?

. . .

I . . .just realized something. Oh God, I just realized something.

Perhaps I should have figured it out earlier: I'm not only the First Child (by the Evangelion pilot program), but I am literally still just a child! Maybe that is why my sister looked uncomfortable when I spoke of my . . . er . . . interst in Shinji Akari. I know I love him, but I really am too new to the concept of love to be able to INSTANTLY know what kind of love I have for him! In some ways, I am comfortable with the idea that he and I should be lovers. In another, he's like a loving brother or some other close ken. In yet another . . . Heaven only knows why I somehow see him as what I'd imagine I'd like in a son (IF this body of mine could bear children, that is)!

I must admit . . . I somewhat envy my sister right now. I bet that SHE does not have any questions about "her" Shinji Akari. Her version of Instrumentality must be quiet the boon. Do . . . hope that the Commander opts for it than the original scenario. I mean, surely by the powers that I've already seen displayed (magic like, wonder how they managed to use it without tripping of sensors tuned to Angellic powers being utilized without causing the sensors for Angel to scream bloody murder) . . . maybe two Reis working in concert can resurrect Yui Akari for Gendo? I've heard that such things can be done by mages . . . or maybe somehow FORCE Yui's soul from Unit 01 into one of my soulless spares (after artificially aging one to a proper age match for Gendo).

Might even be able to avoid the NEED for Third Impact to bring about my sister's version of Instrumentality?

. . .

Ah, what am I doing? Until I actually get to speak with my sister again that last was but wild (and flightily) speculation. It is just that with all that exquisite display of Angellic powers she'd shown me (the disguising of her wings was a nice touch), it had given me a hope there.

Honestly, even as the world is right now I'd hate to think how more messed up it may become with the explosive power of Third Impact slamming down upon it.

Sigh, well at least the Section 2 agents tell me that they'd already secured "my" Shinji's safety. When we get back to the secure location, I so do with to at least talk with him and explore this odd feeling I have for him and both of us working to some kind of . . . resolution on what they actually are.

Of course, that's when I notice too late that the agents are tensing up when they see a bunch of black clad figures approaching in another vehicle.

They give chase to the van I am in, not bothering to be careful with their bullets in as far as who they hit while trying to blow out the tires of my van. This just cannot be happening . . . I am NOT going to die AGAIN just as soon as I've regained everything I'd LOST!!

1. Or . . . do I dare believe that they're going to collect ME like all those other missing people I'd heard that "Elrondir" speak of?

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