Retaking what was lost

Rei III

This one before me: me but not me. I could have been . . . her?

. . .

I could have been whole?

"Would you like to retake what you have lost?" my sister asks softy, as if she knows me.

. . .

I don't know how I know, but she IS . . . my sister. She is also me . . . as I could have been and . . .Why is she doing this to me?

. . .

!

"What?!" I gasp, what she'd just said suddenly registering. I could not have heard that correctly. There is just no way to regain what has been lost to me . . . .correct?

"Do you trust me?" she asks yet again, pulling up that oddly marked bottle she has in her hand. "Then drink of Mnemosyne and remember. Some will be painful, but in the end . . . I promise it shall be worth it. It shall be one step only, but in the end it will be worth it."

Mnemosyne: One of the waters from the Greek Hades where the spirits drink to . . . remember. Would that work?

. . .

I should not be doing this. The idea that some-some kind of magic potion can undo what death and rebirth have denied me is . . . absurd. Just as this farfetched tale of HER being me from another reality?

. . .

Ridiculous and absurd, I just said? Just about as absurd as Angels attacking and a soul being captured again and again by man? As me being a modified clone, a trans-genetic human body with DNA from an Angel? As ridiculous as what my entire existence is, just to pilot Eva? How is it that I can claim anything as ridiculous? My entire existence is almost as absurd as tabloid magazines claiming that Elvis Presley was abducted by aliens. Just as ridiculous as a me wishing to determine my own fate? To wish that once Gendo Ikari is done with me he shall forget his tool and if nothing else I shall embrace oblivion? Could I do more than just await oblivion? Could I do more? Be more than what I am now?

I-I want more than what I have now.

. . .

I feel . . . warm and full when this . . . woman claiming to be kin of mine is near. And if this is madness . . . then let me go MAD and be lost in it. I want to trust here and . . . more.

Love. What is love? Do I feel love for this woman? Does she love me? Can I feel love, a product of man . . . with a manufactured soul?

. . .

Where is God in this? IS there a God, truly? There are Angels so where is God in all this?

. . .

Maybe I can actually talk with my sister after this is done. Input is appreciated.

But . . .do I do this or not? Duty or . . . choice?

Rei II

It's heart breaking. The stoic mask is in place but she'd taken the flask, but the damn thing keeps going up to her lips and then back down . . . as if she's struggling with herself as to what to do. She's lonely but also afraid. She's shaking.

I am here, I send to her, feeling a wave of what I know now as loneliness. She . . . I had been so lonely. If you wish, we can do this together. And then you can do what you feel afterwards. Do whatever, young one. Even turn me and my friends in if you feel it is your duty.

Not that we'd stay around if she called the authorities and NERV on us, but even IF she turned on us I'd feel I'd done the right thing for her. Letting her have a choice, for once.

As for me being there with her, I mean I'd be touching her mind as she recalls whatever the potion can bring forth. What she herself will witness in the recall shall be hers alone. But the contact with another mind shall be . . . comforting, emotionally.

The shaking stops, and she drinks deeply and fully. It falls from nerveless hands and she slumps against me, her eyes rapidly twitching back and forth as she dreams the dreams of prior lives.

Does not take long, the dream. There is more truth about one's entire life flashing before their eyes during a car crash, you know; a matter of seconds, really. That and one must remember that my sister here is only barely into her teens!

Not a lot of time to live life, ne?

Anyway, she's coming out of it. Rapid eye motion is slowing down, catching up to the final moments, I gather right before the . . . er . . . need for activating a third clone to integrate departed souls into and all that.

"This is my mind, which wish to be unified with Ikari," I hear my sister whisper, still sleeping. "No!"

"The last moments of her time as Rei II," a soft male voice says sadly. Looking up I see Elrondir shaking his head sadly, remembering. "In the anime it was accompanied by a soulful violin piece. Very poignant."

"Damn poignant," Elrondir mutters, remembering.

I shiver, despite it being comfortably warm in this rather dingy room. He's talking about something similar to what almost claimed my life. Granted, by the sound of it it appears that her Shinji's superlift did not stall and he'd made it to the surface, only to be attacked by that Angel who'd invaded ME and my Eva unit.

I'd been defeated and only through the actions of my friends avoided having to say or do what is IMPLIED next.

"No, If I escape, AT field will disappear," my sister whispers hoarsely. "So, I don't [escape]."

She then gives off a cry, tears streaking from her eyes. Suddenly, she leaps up from sitting next to me, reaching for. . . something that only she can see. Then her eyes snap open and she looks around the room, breathing heavily.

"Reaching for the light," I believe that Elrondir mutters to himself, adding something about the Director's Cut scene.

One of those things that I go three sides of the barn to avoid seeing, my life in manga or anime. It's . . . disturbing and upsetting so I shall NOT pursue this line of inquery with my uncle here, who looks disinclined in explanations anyway. Honestly, despite it being a great blessing the things he'd known. Things that helped save my life, he's rather embarrassed by it all. He calls it a breach of privacy, despite the reassurances I give him.

With that in mind, he stands back a bit and uses that still somewhat disorienting ability that all elves have. I can still see him if I make an effort and since I know where he IS. However, it is as if he's able to hid in plain sight . . . an ability that all elves have, really. Some more so than others have this ability. They ARE known as the Hidden Folke from the Bible, after all in the Old Testament.

He's doing this in order to give at least a semblence of privacy for a little longer. He had entered the room a bit flustered about something (and I somewhat find myself dreading what it may entail . . .I did rather deviate from what we had all agreed upon for what to reveal and not as far as timelines go). Even I at the time had felt that certain things should not (yet) be revealed, but here I went and revealed what admittedely would have sounded rather insane: I came from a parallel universe.

Thank God that she'd believed me, despite everything.

I still expect an earful from the others though.

But that said, not wishing to ruin the moment between myself and my sister, he's faded into the background with his mage abilities. Something he has must be told and VERY soon, but not as of yet. Enough time for this part, I see.

My sister awakens, at first a very dissapointed look upon her face (finding herself only here back in her apartment). Maybe she had been hoping for some kind of afterlife scene instead of this rather dingy setting? Possible, given what Elrondir was talking about.

She then pauses, feeling herself and blinking in amazement. Looks at me wide eyed and speechless for a few seconds until.

"That was . . . .most unexpected," Rei III blinks, shaking her head slightly to clear it, glad to see that the visions had NOT been a dream. And then she breaks into a soft smile that I believe is the best one she ever has had to date. "I . . .remember! Everything!"

She looks as to say more, but blinks when ONE particular memory of her past self comes to the fore: Shinji!

"Shin . . .!" she whispers.

Overwhelmed with a feeling, she almost knocks ME over, in her haste to run out the door, wearing a look that is more than a bit enraptured.

What exactly is her Shinji to her?

. . .

I ask because my Shinji is . . . was more than a bit related to me by the genetic donation of one Yui Ikari. That and because of certain memories and experiences I got while mentally linking with Shinji's mother, I rather find I look at the boy as my son! That said, I do not know exactly how related I'd be NOW, with the transformation back from Angel to human, genetic wise. However, the bound of motherhood . . . are still upon my heart. That said, I wonder if she DOES have plans for Shinji . . .her Shinji then will it be incestous? I mean, I'd be considered a half-sister by blood before (no idea how close or far I'm related by the job that Rule did on undoing my Angelic transformation). How close would Rei III be considere, blood wise?

She has stopped in her tracks, suddenly remembering ME, the unexpected sister and houseguest. She looks at the door and then at me, clearly torn between two different desires. Do believe that she's never been quiet so out of sorts.

Okay, she's got a long way to go yet to with dealing with certain things. I believe she still has a lot to sort out, but at least she's not starting again from ground zero due to being brought back to life through yet another clone body. It's still a long trip to being a more . . .rounded human being. At least she's now responding more readily to human interaction, though.

Just have to say, she sure is taking on having memories of dieing rather well. Then again, both she and I had been so fatalistic about death (our own) that it had seen anticlimatic somehow. Disappointing, because of always waking up back on Earth with Eva and only Eva to exist for (and whatever the Commander Ikari gave as our duty).

My family when faced with my death and being attacked. MUCH more concerned, I must say, than a lot of those I'd worked for . . . in sense.

Honestly, they had been more than rightly concerned about that Angel attacking me and what the next move I was going to make, true. However, I'd first detected something rather noble within Sigin at first when a link had been made. Oh indeed, it had been a rather harried affair, what with the usually composed Sigin screaming "Gaah! Kill it! Kill that damn thing!!" (have lingering echoes of the closing link he'd formed) after glimpsing into that Angelic b*tch's mind to obtain it's intentions.

But enough about my battles and my saviors for the moment. We need to concentrate on sister here!

Her stoic mask isn't as rigid as it has been. Warmth within, you know.

Rei III

Okayokayoookay!

Take a deep breath. Release.

. . .

Again.

God, that was . . . wonderful.

. . .

Yes, I guess there IS one after all. Or at least a good enough facsimile to thank for my sister delivering me from my time of need.

. . .

I . . .understand now why I was crying. I was lonely but I know, NOW, how to fix it.

Shinji.

But in my haste to run off and remedy my condition (and his . . . he's so . . . lonely), I failed for a moment to remember the presence of the person who made this possible.

Most rude on my part, but . . . I . . .want to go and see Shinji. Be with him.

"I'm . . .sorry," I sputter. "I was in . . .need of . . . I need to see Shinji Akari. My Shinji Akari to . . .tell him that I . . . want to share with him."

That last part sounds so . . .inadequate of word for what I WANT to do with Shinji Akari!

A sudden heavy knock on the door and it opening on it's own as if by a strong wind interrupts whatever question my sister seems really wanting to ask.

Odd, for a second I could have sworn I had heard over in a corner a soft chanting. Rather melodic, alien sounding, it had been but I did not see anyone there.

Though . . .almost in the corner of my eye I saw some . . .figure.

"Pardon to interrupt but we have a situation developing," a melodic voice says, interrupting my train of thought.

1. "There's something weird going on down at NERV HQ. Intercepted chatter indicates . . . some key NERV personnel have gone missing."

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