Retaining what was lost

Rei II

"No . . .but we are related to her in a roundabout fashion," I answer, smiling softly. Before I carry on in answering, however, I blink as I notice something. "You've been crying! Why? Are you alright?"

Of course she's not alright! Those of us who call ourselves Rei do NOT cry for anything small. Point in fact, for ME I had not even started anything like normal reactions to situations (like smiles or tears) until Shinji Akari came to Tokyo 3 . . . and then there was Fred Takahashi to help round things out for me. They both help me become . . . more human. This version of me. This sister of me, I bet you money that SHE has had only the bare bones of such matters (whatever she'd had learned before now erased by death and rebirth, by what Elrondir tells). Being that she's not seriously injured, that only leave the emotional distresses and being what Elrondir is mentally telling me through mind- speak this particular Rei has a VERY good reason why to BE distressed. Even IF she doesn't remember, something inside remains. An aching loss and thus the tears, even IF she cannot understand their cause.

It is something that I remember too well from my life before going to Terra Prime and before two special people came into my life who actually gave a damn about me for just me. Caring for no other reason that they were concerned for me. For me and not for any ulterior motives or goals.

I hated being alone and rejoice that I no longer am. And I hate seeing this girl before me, my sister so . . . . lonely.

Stammering a bit, she explains that she does NOT know why she'd cried. I doubt she would have been as open and forthcoming for anyone else right now. She's kind of in a very strange place right now, mentally. Moreso than what she (and I had been), normally.

. . .

Look, trust me. I know what I speak of. You cannot expect to be normal either if you'd had the life I lead before now. Got my head and heart straightened out NOW, but this girl? Who is for all intents and purposes would be ME except for the grace of God?

Right now, it's time to take this a bit slower than I had initially planned with the others. I'll get to this "mother Lilith" stuff here in a moment. Being that Inquirer managed a miracle (by Jesus does she know her tech!) she's located the feed lines to the cameras in this dump of an apartment and is feeding false images to the Section 2 goons outside. We have all the time we need for this (but not all the time in the world . . . got matters pressing Quest wise you know).

I do hope that once we give this ONE gift that Elrondir says she might like (a gift given freely and without strings) that she'll help us. The idea being that we give it with or without her accepting our request (and letting her know that is okay with us) . . . well, I do hope she'll see we're not trying to manipulate her.

If nothing else, it'll give her insights into what she is feeling. Give her back what has been TAKEN from her by others.

Had enough of that in my old life and I'll be damned if I do the same to my sister here!

. . .

Pardon if I seem to obsess over the past sometimes. It is just this present reminds me too much of past times. Sad times. I hate seeing it happening again, here with her.

And besides, the pain I am sharing with you should give you an idea what SHE is going through now! For me, it happened in the past and that Hell is over. For her, it is her present. . . . but not her future if I have anything to say in the matter (and she allows it).

"O . . . kay," Rei III says softly, glancing at my wings as they shift a little bit (reflecting the rolling emotions I have in my stomach right now). "You are, related to me. How? Why?"

"We're sisters of a sort," I explain softly, gesturing for her to sit next to me on the bed I'm now sitting on. Blasted clinical looking thing is as uncomfortable as I remember it, but no matter. "We are very much sisters for life BEGAN for us from a donation from an Angel and a human woman."

She takes the invite, feeling the warmth I have for her (and she me). She's got a LOT of questions I see, her stoic mask somewhat slipping for the moment. One, however, pops to the fore.

"You come from Mother Lilith as well?" she blinks, the thought having not occured to her. She had first thought I WAS Lilith, somehow. Afterwards, I am not sure what she thought I was. "I-I thought that I was the only . . . souled vessel. All the others are . . . spares."

A little bit of distress and sadness I see in your eyes, little sister, over that. Being many but alone. Being replaceable like some spare tire, your soul (like mine for so long) being channeled back into service (into life) into a spare clone body is MORE than a bit distressing! God, I remember how much I hated that. Don't remember the time between death and rebirth, but I always had a feeling of being . . . cheated. Gates of Heaven (or whatever you'd like to call it) being barred to me by . . . one Gendo Akari. No rest for the dead (in ANY form) and you do NOT want to know how bitter of feeling that left me, sometimes alone at night. And in the mornings when i looked into the mirror and saw my eyes.

Eyes of red, marking me different from everyone else and mocking me. Have grown to actually like the color red. Have gotten over that, being now free of it all. But in her? I see she has it in her.

"Well, with me things . . . turned out a touch differently," I temporize. Truth is in that statement, but right now I just do not want to muddy this situation with alternate realities being reached across Dirac seas to here. "In part that is what is it is, in a round about fashion but I DID come from an Angel, in part, named Lilith. Part of that rather . . .involved answer which I'd rather not go into right now involves why I have the wings, also."

She nods slightly, probably the somewhat evasive answer under "the need to know and she not being in the NEED" file. Sure know that had a LOT with me back with NERV. She then, on impulse hesitantly reaches out and touches one of my wings, pulling back as they twitch a little bit.

"Soft," she whispers, reaching out again to stroke them. Despite the still stoic look on her face, I can tell . . . there is more than a little bit of almost childlike wonder inside.

Must say that that particular line is rather more welcome, coming from my analog sister here than that creep knight from some province from Gelda. Guy had been full of himself and I wonder again and again just WHAT I'd seen in him to have ever dated him. He had not taken 'no' lightly and tried to force the issue one night, to have "fun" as what Chiana would call it.

Thank God Chiana taught me a few of the more dirty (but effective) moves to . . . sway that young berk to the idea that I was NOT interested. That and following forcebolt spell drove it home. Also drove HIM through a wall or three but besides HIM, who's complaining?

Last I heard he was STILL walking with a limp.

Never pays to mess with a mage (even a young pretty thing like me).

"Yes, they are at that and they're real," I smile. I'm particular who I let touch my wings. Rei III here I'm very much happy to let her do it.

"As for how we're related," I add, causing the young girl to turn and look at me. "We . . . even have a similar history," I go on. "That is sort of why they called me Rei too."

"Too?" she asks slowly. "I don't understand. Why would they do something like this? Why?"

She's wondering what else they've not been telling her. Not trusting her enough to keep THIS important fact from her.

Do believe that Elrondir was VERY correct that along with whatever had been LOST, memory wise due to her rebirth as Rei III she'd also lost something of an anchor for her trust in Commander Gendo Akari. Yes, that might SEEM good in the end . . . but it also played some part as to why she had chosen in the end to do what she did in the . . . events in the story called Neon Evangelion Genesis.

Rei III in the story would in the end defy Gendo, but it kind of . . . wasn't exactly the happy ending I'd want, shall we say.

"The people in your NERV never created me," I say softly. "Sigh, look, I guess I shouldn't have beat around the bush about this. Not telling you more right at the moment seemed like a great idea at the time, but I can see that . . . you want questions and want them now."

Rei III just looks at me, head tilted slightly, waiting.

"What I shall have to say will seem . . . hard to believe but try," I begin. "To begin, perhaps you've heard the term Dirac sea with an Angel called Leliel? It's attack being absorbing anything into itself where it's 'shadow' falls? Where it may have been possible to travel through it to another universe, more or less?"

"Yes," she says hesitantly, clearly not sure where this is going. She thinks, perhaps, that what I'm going to say has more to do with the Angel than what the Angel had been able to touch with it's mystical abilities.

At least she doesn't believe that I am an Angel . . . or at least am not a hostile Angel. It would appear from hints she's let slip that she believes that that comatose sleeping blob of white flesh who we called Lilith down in the bowels of NERV HQ is her mother, in some fashion. She spoke of it in an almost reverent whisper, you know, when she mistook me for somebody else.

. . .

That little aside, I know the earful I'm going to get from the others for blabbing like this right off the bat! It's just that I cannot lie to her effectively. Make up something . . . believable, really. Not and be able to look at myself in the mirror, hating myself for tricking her (even IF for her own good).

Been there too many times myself to do it too her.

I just hope she doesn't send me away, believing me insane.

Then again, this weird stuff I'm going to share is helped in part by the fact that I have wings on my back! You got to expect something odd, right? Right?!

"I come from one of those distant shores that touches that Dirac sea," I blurt out. "I come from another reality like this, except for some different outcomes and choice. The one that stands out the most is the fact in my reality . . . I survived the battle with the sixteenth Angel. You could call me Rei II."

THAT one rocks her.

"I am me and you are you," I say softly. "But we are also very much the same . . . except that . . .by not dieing I did not lose memories. Did not lose the lessons learned."

"Retained understanding," she whispers softly, blinking.

. . .

By God she actually believes me. She wants to believe . . . in me, someone she's just met.

. . .

Someone who stirs feelings within her empty heart and soul. Oh God, I remember . . . and I see it in her.

1. Someone who stirs feelings within her empty heart and soul. Oh God, I remember . . . and I see it in her.

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