Vorma

The name came back to you as if from a faraway, long- forgotten place; perhaps a laundry basket sunk in the middle of Lake Michigan.

Vorma

If the word "irritating" hadn't already existed in the dictionary, she would have put it there. This was also true because she worked as a compiler for Webster's. Vorma had had many loathsome features, physical, psychological and moral, including, but by no means limited to: acromegaly; velopharyngeal insufficiency; vitiligo; schizophrenia; Alexithymia; Forster's Syndrome; sociophobia; dissipation and a liking for Mentos. Such was the toxic effect of her person, she had once reduced Condolleeza Rice to tears, despite the fact that they had never even been in the same state together. But worst of all were her two feet, and the many spurious claims to fame which she attrubuted to them.

According to Vorma her feet had signed the Declaration of Independence, averted a nuclear war with Peru, invented toast, uninvented bread that fell face up when buttered and dropped, and inspired Paris Hilton to become the man we know and love. From personal experience you knew only one of these claims to be true, and yet Vorma refused to retract the remaining claims.

This angered you mightily.

In fact, you hated Vorma so much, and especially her feet, that you had vowed to hack them off the next time you came across her.

Imagine your surprise then when it suddenly dawned on you that you were Vorma.

Hence the going at your ankle with a rusty hacksaw blade etc. etc. Boy, did it ever hurt. But, you think as you cut through the final flap of skin connecting foot to leg, you deserved it.

Now what?

1. Start on the other foot
2. Look hopefully to Egon for ideas
3. Start laughing as you realise you are not Vorma at all

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