Freezing the Bleeding Stump

Now you come to think of it, the hacksaw blade you used was so blunt, and you passed out so many times because of the excruciating pain, that it took you the best part of four hours to saw off your foot. So it is hardly surprising that Egon is no longer around, especially as today is the day he gets his weekly fix of fish guts from down at the docks.

It is about now that you start to realise that you are in danger of bleeding out, and indeed you are already feeling fairly light-headed (of course, that could just be the pain, but you are naturally cautious and don't want to take the chance). You stand up as well as you can on one foot and one bleeding stump, and hobble over to the deep freeze. You open the lid and stick in your footless left leg. The idea being that freezing the stump will stop the blood loss. However, you realise as the blood starts dripping over the frozen peas and the ham shanks and the TV dinners and the 28 bags of breadcrumbs, it could take some time before the freezing/congealing takes hold.

So, to pass the time, you

1. attempt to cook one of the TV dinners in the microwave, which you can just about reach without removing your leg from the freezer
2. empty out the freezer, and in doing so unleash something long-since buried which was best left forgotten
3. freak out at the presence of so many breadcrumbs
4. lose consciousness

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