"Hunger Can do Strange Things to a Man"

Your uncle Derek once went twenty-three days without food and turned into a woman.

Or died. Something like that.

Your erstwhile friend Ontague once skipped lunch and immediately began to sprout antlers from his head, as if he were a moose, or an elk, or a reindeer.

Or did his stomach start to make strange burbling noises? Mere details!

Your old schoolmaster Mr Wretch never deliberately ate anything (although he did admit that through a bizzarre string of coincidences, a fish casserole or a chocolate trifle usually ended up falling inside his mouth three or four times a day) and was known to hold his sides and groan.

Or was it that he taught all his classes stark naked and prowled the corridors at night with a blood-splattered axe? Same difference.

When this train of thought eventually runs its course you realise that you are in the outhouse with Egon, who has now eaten his breakfast. This could mean only one thing.

1. either Egon was very angry with you or he wanted a cup of tea
2. either Egon needed your help or it was Atonement Day
3. either it was raining or it was not raining

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