Happyman Buries the Dead in Cornfields

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 47267

A burning, crackling intensity suddenly appeared in the center of the room, quickly morphing into the Traveller.

"Found you." he growled, pointing at Happyman. "And now you die."

"Back off, human!" Tarin barked. "This one's mine!"

The Traveller waved his hand, and Tarin was propelled cursing out a nearby window.

"You're an hour late." Happyman said sternly. "According to your advertisement, my pizza is free."

"What?" the Traveller blinked.

Happyman barfed up a half-human, half-pepperoni-pizza creature which hit the ground with a splat. It crawled limbless, groaning around the room and gasped "I'm free! I'm finally free!!"

The surviving patrons retched and wept in pity as they hid in the burning remnants of the bar. Happyman sprouted eight spider-like legs to replace his lost ones, which were running around randomly kicking people. He faced the Traveller and said, simply "I Will Work For Food Or Kill You For Money".

"Look at me, Happyman." the Traveller said, white-hot energy surging around his body as if reflecting his silent rage. "Let whatever is left in you that is human gaze upon me and know fear. For at my hands you will die not a single death but a billion. You will die the death of a Universe!!"

Then the glowing, disembodied head of Satan appeared.

"Happyman." Satan said. "Attack Everyone."

A pentagram glowed upside down on Happyman's face, and he let loose a diabolical whoop of bloodlust...


On a hill outside the city, Vigoro, Luna and Alyssa popped into existence.

"We're late again." Vigoro said.

Walants was burning. The entire city seemed to be one vast funereal pyre, filled with the screams of the dying. High in the sky above the city, two figures moved and cavorted like playful sprites, destructive energies surging back and forth from one to the other, occasionally missing and striking the ground, causing massive, deafening explosions.

The bloodied figure of a dwarf was crawling up the hill. "He's too strong, old man." Tarin spat as he noticed them. "I couldn't do it."

"Take care of him." Vigoro commanded the girls. Then the old man started floating up into the air.

"Master!" Luna said. "Where are you going?!"

"He has enough power to beat Happyman." Vigoro said. "But he has no idea how to control it. I have to save him."

"Please be careful!" Luna yelled after Vigoro as he floated away.


The Traveller was breathing hard. Happyman had gone through several transformations during the fight - he now looked like a concave geometrical figure with seventeen heads - but was otherwise none worse for wear.

"You're a worthy opponent." Happyman said. "Check this out - this is gonna be cool!"

One of his heads suddenly started expanding, ballooning like a bubble up into the air. The Traveller licked blood off the back of his wounded hand and started charging up for one more attack...

"Wait!" came Vigoro's voice.

"You again? Who the hell are you?" the Traveller said brusquely.

"That doesn't matter now. You're about to kill yourself. If you attack him now he'll only grow stronger."

"You watch me!"

But as he turned back to Happyman the Traveller gasped.

Down on the hill, Alyssa, Luna, and Tarin Gazin gasped as well.

All across the hemisphere, heads turned up to the sky with shock - seeing a massive smiley face, grinning, its mouth yawning open as if to consume the entire earth.

And that's exactly what it did.

As the darkness of Happyman's mouth descended upon them, Vigoro flew forward, arms extended, crackling with the strongest of his magicks.

"I can't save myself." Vigoro told the Traveller. "Not if I'm to save you, and as many others as I can."

"NO!" the Traveller cried out.

"You must live, boy. Live, and take care of them. Don't let my sacrifice be in vain!!"

"NOOO!!!" the Traveller screamed, and then Vigoro's magic washed over him... ...and Happyman's mouth clamped shut around the planet.

  1. Tarin Gazin, Luna and Alyssa suddenly find themselves in a vast field of red flowers under a dark-gray sky. In front of them lies a very unconscious Traveller.
  2. Sunlight spills in through open hospital windows. Frederica touched her face. She was alive... and human! But how?
  3. Happyman wakes up by some railroad tracks and starts puking his guts out. "Man, I hate to eat and run!" Follow Happyman's adventures as he shoots a cop, burns down a church and robs a 7-11.

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Ryu

12/28/2004 3:43:19 PM

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