Zorro on Crack vs. H-Man (Again)

After some time, however, a sharply-dressed middle-aged man burst into the bar. By his side was a dwarf with a psychotic gleam in his eye, a gleam that was strangely familiart to Happyman. "I am Master Rift, a lawyer, and this is my assistant Tarin-Gazin. I would like to speak to Mr. Notkerr, the bartender," said the middle-aged man. "He is behind on his payments."

"Well you can't, so piss off. I'm trying to make some money so I can get drunk here," said Happyman.

Rift's eyes almost popped out of his sockets when he realized what was talking to him. Normally, Master Weylan Rift was quite an observant man. However, when he'd first seen the stick figure and the three skeletons, he'd subconsciously dismissed the sight of them as too ridiculous to believe. "Whatever you are," he finally managed to say, "get out of my way. I am a lawyer. I--"

He didn't have time to say anything further, because Happyman coughed up a glowing red blob of radioactive death at him. Rift screamed, wishing that he could have died in a more dignified way. Even the most drunken of the riffraff had snapped out of their stupor at this. At first, they were afraid and ready to bolt to the door, but when they realized just who it was who had died, they started clapping and cheering as one. Rift had not been on good terms with many of them. Everyone at the bar bought a drink for Happyman, who gulped each drink down instantly and asked for more.

Before anyone noticed, however, Tarin-Gazin screamed a terrifying scream that sounded as if it came from the pits of Hell itself, lunged forward and sliced off the heads of five of the people who'd been cheering at Rift's death. Then he lunged at Happyman, who narrowly dodged him. "You know, I've seen this guy before," he said to himself as he jumped across the room to avoid the dwarf's bastard-axe. "He fights like Zorro on crack or some--oh no, not him again! This has got to be the same guy as that elf who fought me off earlier." [26997] The dwarf wasn't quite as fast as his counterpart who'd been transformed into an elf had been, however, and Happyman was able to backhand him across the room, apparently knocking him unconscious. By now, everyone had run off except those who were too drunk to move. The skeleton brides were standing still, not really sure what to do.

However, the dwarf zigzagged ahead and almost managed to cut Happyman in half. "I really hate this," he said, as he pulled a laser flyswatter out of thin air. "At least the bartender ran off and I can drink all I want" His arm stretched and snaked across the room swatting at Tarin as he stood in place drinking flagons of ale. However, befoe long he'd tied his arm into a knot. He pulled it back and screamed, trying desparately to untie it with his other arm. He couldn't make any progress in untying it--knots were the thing he was worse at than anything else in the world, even maintaining a coherent train of thought. He therefore didn't notice when Tarin ran under him and sliced his legs off. He went into his kill trance and his head started spinning around 360 degrees as laser beams shot from his eyes. However, while the bar burned with angry red flames where they hit, they didn't hit Tarin at all. Frustrated, Happyman stretched his neck and managed to lunge at Tarin, closing his mouth on the dwarf. However, before he could swallow it, the dwarf sliced his way out of Happyman's head with his bastard-axe, splitting it in two.

1. Just then, the traveler appears out of nowhere, in a murderous rage.
2. Happyman gathers up his assorted pieces and runs off. Then the traveler appears ouf of nowhere, in a murderous rage.

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