Inquiring Mind's Want to Know!!

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 46006

Fertal

Coming back from talking with Slartibartfast (wonder what that means in his native language) I have mixed news.

I hadn't stayed to awaken the trigger happy policemen who'd gotten off easy (someone like Roland would have been MUCH rougher . . . .someone like Cuthbert's teacher of Gunslinger Academy would have either killed or main them for such stupidity with deadly weapons). Instead, I had gone and asked: "Could we borrow the Bistromath?"

Startibartfast had just looked at me, staring blankly and asking me what in the world was I talking about.

Now, for those who themselves are asking what the devil the Bistromath is (beyond being some kind of spaceship that rivaled the Heart of Gold in speed)? Well, the Bistromath is a spaceship who's FTL drive is based on yet another funky, impossible sounding native math like the Heart, except for one it doesn't involve a really good cup of tea. Second, it's math worked on a different principle.

See, according to what Cuthbert tells us, the Bistromath is based upon the odd disparity between what the customer at a restaurant thinks they owe for a meal and what the waiter shows on what they call the bill in England (and the check for you Americans). Somehow in this universe there is a lot of power in that disparity and according to Cuthbert the scientist here harnessed it and ships (like the Bistromath) move. They move so quickly that they're a viable alternative to ship's based upon the Improbability Drive (like the Heart of Gold or some now vanished earlier ship called the Titanic).

Being that we wanted to have a ship that would not only NOT be a target for every policeman out there between here and The Restaurant , we wanted some other ship than the Heart of Gold if we could swing it. One that could reach the Frogstar system in a reasonable amount of time, I should add.

We would have had to put up with the restaurant decor inside, but that would have been a minor annoyance. However, as feared, the Mathbistro hadn't been built yet. That's the down side.

On the up side . . .by me explaining the idea behind the Bistromath (on the idea that the Bistro might be called something) had given Slarti the idea for having the ship commissioned, early.

So if things fall totally through with the Heart (meaning the authorities never get her back) then there would still be something out there to break the hyperspace bypass (and thus keeping the Earth of this reality safe). At least I had gotten the worldbuilder's pledge on putting the technology on the market. Had pointed out that at least it got them back into the market. Beat the heck out of waiting in hibernation for the market to get back up to levels to afford their main product.

Had heard them whispering and raving about my idea of "diversifying their product lines" and I have to wonder just what I've unleashed upon this reality. Then again, given that this universe in the end is a farce I don't believe I could have done anything worse than it can manage on it's lonesome, thanks.

In the end, while we are all responsible in some manner or other there are LIMITS.

. . .

Anyway, I'm coming back to find that both Trillian and Zaphod glaring down at wife (who's calmly sipping the cup of tea which had been the heart of the Heart).

"Hey, we can't have you leaving before you get your share!" I chuckle, pretending to misunderstand what has happened here (like I can't guess that our intrepid hosts hadn't tried skipping out on us).

I toss the chits at each (we Champions had opted to pay the others cash instead of a controlling share of the Hitchhiker, so that is why the chits), causing them to either catch it or have it hit them in the foreheads. When they glance at the readings of the amount on each chit they instead of glaring at my wife.

No luck, I inform her and the other Champions. We're stuck with Zaphod and the "Heart of Gold" at least until the Restaurant.

Pity, is the only thing that Artizza has to say on that matter.

No, Zaphod hasn't endeared himself on my wife at all! Point in fact she'd said to me in passing that at least the share of the profits they'd gotten would have gone a long way in getting them a bails bond for his trial.

No, we hadn't been thinking about throwing Zaphod to the wolves but we wouldn't have shed a tear if he (sans Heart of Gold) should be arrested at some later date. No matter what, the Heart was going to be going back to where he'd stolen it from! The best chance for Earth's continued survival lay in the Heart for reasons we'd already told, you know.

Still, Zaphod can still be of use to us. His job as President hadn't been to run the universe at large, but instead to serve as distraction, drawing attention to him and away from the real power. See, that is the real job of the office of President, a distraction. Zaphod had no real political power (not even in this farce of a universe would anyone be foolish enough for that), but was only a distraction. With the antics that Zaphod usually did (the theft of the Heart of Gold being the crowning glory), he does an excellent job!

He can continue the job for us, you see, until we get to the Restaurant. He can distract the authorities from our existence and if we all should be captured and arrested we can (successfully) say that we were only hitchhikers. If we turn Zaphod in here and now to those fools with badges and not also give over the Heart then WE get to be wanted for grand theft spaceship!

In other words, dear Zaphod is something of our fall guy, here.

. . .

Hey, not only are we Champions out of our legal jurisdiction ourselves (i.e. we can't arrest Zaphod ourselves), but it's . . .

Beyond us doing what we can in saving Arthur's world, we figure things are too screwed up here in this universe to bother in losing sleep over. We're hitching a ride with Zaphod. We'll make sure that the Heart of Gold gets back into the right hands. As for Zaphod . . . if the policemen here are examples of what the rest of those in power are like then the less government gets involved in our affairs (and vice versa) the better! They'd only get in the way of our business we'd come to originally do and to do what we feel is right (saving Earth).

Beyond that, this reality is on it's own! Sometimes there are problems too big to tackle and win!!

"Let's do lunch," Artizza sighs, waving for the others to finish up and board the HoG.

Soon enough, we're on our way to the waiting area of the Restaurant. The trip had been unusually uneventful. thus far

You have to wonder what'll happen on the way back . . .if not the remainder of the trip and such!

Just the way this place works, from what I've heard.


Meanwhile, Zaphod finally has gotten a chance to speak with Ford Perfect alone . . .

"Who are these people?" he asks. "That Cuthbert and his wife say they're human but don't act like monkeyboy at all and if those OTHERS with them are anywhere in your Book I'll eat it!"

  1. The red haired female "darkelf" chick being unmoved by his coolness was what really bothered him. It just wasn't NATURAL!

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10/11/2004 2:40:05 PM

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