Winding Pass
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 45584
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Fred drifted into the alluring arms of Morpheus, a victim of his own
fragile humanity. It was a slow and yet somehow sudden descent into that
mysterious realm of the unconscious mind...
Fred was riding a unicycle through a winding pass in the misty German Alps, carrying a priceless violin in one hand and a pie in the other. He surmised the time period must be somewhere circa the late 1930's, given the make of the cars that rambled along the precarious mountain road. There a few close calls, as the road didn’t seem to be designed for unicyclers and automobiles alike. Several times he was forced to swerve to the side to avoid a collision with the careless motorists. If his hands hadn’t been full he would have gingerly flipped them off. It was not long before he found himself in the midst of a humble village which must have been nestled in that Bavarian vale for time out of mind. From there he made a detour from the main road, taking an even steeper route to the top of a nearby hill where an opulent mansion stood, like an eagle’s nest, proudly dominating the surrounding countryside. He must have been in pretty good shape, because before he knew it Fred had traversed the impossible route to the top and was now parking his bike outside a side door to that dark den of bloodthirsty maniacs. Without knocking, and despite his hands being full, Fred entered through the door... He found himself in a cozy room lined with comfortable sofas and warmed by a fireplace. He was immediately greeted by a short, unctuous man with a queer mustache, dressed in a ridiculously garish-looking uniform. Similarly attired men crowded the room. “Fred!” he exclaimed, a creepy smile crossing his pale face. “How good of you to make it!”“Howdy, mein Fuhrer!” Fred replied, his lips moving of their own accord. He handed the man the violin and gave an odd salute. “Happy birthday, Hitler!” The dictator busrt into a fit of hysterical laughter as he accepted the gift. “You shouldn’t have, Fred! This is too much!”“Oh but I should have,” Fred went along. “Nothing’s too good for our favorite genocidal....er, I mean, generous overlord!” “Well, make yourself at home! There’s beer and sauerkraut in the kitchen!”Fred giggled. The man’s charisma seemed contagious. “And I brought a pie!” he continued. Hitler arched an eyebrow. “What kind of pie?”“I stole it from a gay Polish/Jew gypsy!” “HE STOLE IT FROM A GAY POLISH/JEW GYPSY!”The entire chamber errupted in laugher. It seemed the man’s cohorts shared a similar sense of humor. “Well, I must get back to my game,” Hitler said, gesturing at the X-Box underneath the flat screend TV. “Rommel’s kicking my ass in Halo.”Events blurred, and Fred found himself in the kitchen sipping on some lager as one of Hitler’s many beautiful young daughters was leering at him from across the room. This can’t be good, mused a distraught Fred. The well-endowed girl inched closer and closer...and closer. She stuck a finger down his butt- crack, and just kept it there for several minutes. Fred found this strangely arousing. Right about then Fred noticed his own mother in the midst of the Nazi High Command gathered in the living room, a devout christian, whispering sweet-nothings in Hitler’s ear.Then, just as suddenly, he was standing on a porch over-looking a wide valley with his mother at his side. “Mom, what the hell are you doing!?” he asked her. “I’ve got a plan,” his mother answered nonchalantly. “I’m going to convert Hitler to Christianity before World War 2 starts, so there will never be a war.”“Oh SHIT, Mom! You’re going to get us killed! Don’t even attempt that, do you hear me!? I’m already getting hit on by one of his daughters. He’ll kill us, mom! Do you hear me!? HE’LL KILL US!” His mother snorted indignantly. “I know what I’m doing.”The scene faded, and Fred found himself attempting to flee the mansion. He brushed past Hitler, who reeled around with an injured look on his face. “Where are you going, Fred!?” Fred made no answer, his pace turning to an all-out sprint to his unicycle. “NO!” Hitler cried. “DON’T LEAVE!”Fred had just made it to his bike when a large Japanese Sumo wrestler tackled him to the cold, hard ground. The man wielded a large syringe, which he plunged into Fred’s leg. He felt an excruciating pain course through his entire body... And just as suddenly he awoke with a start, finding himself in the same waiting room...waiting...
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Lost Soldier
9/17/2004 4:35:39 PM
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