Seasoned Greetings

"Hey, as a matter of curiosity, Scott, do you want to tell me what happened to you at high school that traumatized you? I mean, you don't have to, but it would be nice if we could do something, y'know, different for a change."

Before Scott could answer, there's a loud crash originating in one of the rooms that neither Scott nor Josh have really explored before, followed by quite a bit of yelling.

"Did you hear that?" asks Scott.
"Yeah, I wonder who it could be?" replies Josh.
"Maybe it's Sara and Jasper?"
"Yeah, it could be them! Come on!"
Scott and Josh both leap off the teal sofa, showing a bit more energy than usual. They quickly run towards the direction of the arguing.

Unfortunately, it's not Sara and Jasper who've caused a big mess in the staircase room den. It's a certain pair of bickering identical twin eight- year-old brothers, namely...

"Oh, shit!" exclaims Josh.
"Jesus Christ, not these damn kids! Not Kenny and Joe!!" cries Scott.

"Joe, Mom said not to call me boogerbutt anymore! You heard her!" yelled Kenny.
"Boogerbutt, boogerbutt, boogerbutt!" shoots back Joe.
"Joe, stop it! I'm gonna tell Mom!"
"Like you can find her! Besides, I'm not the one who knocked over the bookcases! That was you, boogerbutt!"
"I said, stop calling me that!!"
Kenny gives Joe a hearty shove.

"Hey! HEY!" yells Josh. "What the hell is going on here?"
"More importantly, why the hell are you here?" asks Scott.
"I'm tellin' Mom when we find her, Kenny," whined Joe.
"He keeps calling me names, Mr. Burbank! And he knocked over your bookcases!"
"I did not, boo-"
"Joe, think of something else to call your brother, okay?" Scott interrupts. "Boogerbutt sorta ceased to be funny when we got out of the fourth grade."
"Huh?" asks Joe.
"May I suggest something?" asks Josh with an evil gleam in his eye.
"No! You wanna get us thrown off the site?"
"But where's our Mom?" asks Kenny. "We've been looking for a zillion years!"

There is an eerie pause. "Ummm...okay, boys," says Josh. "I happen to know what's up with your momma..."

1. Mom is sleeping.
2. Mom is drunk.
3. Mom is busy, and don't bother her!
4. Mom's still stuck in Horsehockey.
5. Mom is evil.
6. Mom is Dad.
7. Mom is a Republican.
8. Mom is giving a new friend an oral evaluation at the office.
9. Mom is Sir Toby?!
10. Mom is an evil drunk Republican that's still stuck in Horsehockey.

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