A Sploosh in the Garden
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 40198
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Actually, it was more of a sploosh. But nonetheless it was loud enough
for the guard who remained on duty to hear. He cautiously ran over to the
pond to investigate, his scimitar drawn and ready. We’ll call him guard
#1, for you see, unlucky for Astra there had been another guard
patrolling the garden whom she hadn’t noticed. We’ll call him guard #2.
Lucky for Astra, these two particular guards had a pugnacious
relationship with one another, and a long history of petty quarrels. The
only thing they shared in common were their turbans and leiderhosen, the
traditional garb of their kind. “Did you hear that!?” asked guard #1. “I thought I heard a splash!” “It was a sploosh,” contradicted the other - who was, by the way, correct. “But yes, I heard it.”Guard #1, who was in the wrong, glared at his co-worker and even in the darkness of evening a menacing glint could be seen in his eyes. “You’re a damn fool,” he scowled. “That was a splash if ever there was one. You’re so stupid you probably...do stupid stuff....” #2 chortled at his gauche-worded compatriot. “Ooh, that musta taken you a whole week to come up with,” he spat, circling the pond for any sign of an intruder. “Now are you just gonna stand there like a yokel, or do your job and help me...for once.” #1's face began convulsing, as it always did when he got angry. “I’m always picking up the slack around here! You think just ‘cause you got promoted to your fancy schmancy garden patrol that you can just boss me around. Well...you’re not my mom! You can’t tell me what to do!”“Speaking of your mom...” “Don’t start that again! This is between me and you! Leave her out of this!”“Well you’re the one who brought her up...” “Well, technically, I shouldn’t even have to be here. This is your jurisdiction.”Guard #2, who had remained mostly cool up until now, began to get flustered. “Don’t presume to lecture me on the intricacies of protocol, you lazy good-for-nothing! I’m your superior now, whether you like it or not!” “Superior at being...a dumb-dumb poo-face,” snarled the other.This really shouldn’t have struck a nerve for #2, but it did, and he flew into a rage. “YOU’RE the poo-face!” And in fact, now he was. Gilder was quite fond of animals, especially little annoying ones, and he let them run about the palace as if they owned the place. #2 scooped up a big pile of pungent waste that had been left from one of the oddball governor’s tiny dogs that roamed the garden during the day, and flung it at #1. It hit it’s mark precisely. And what of Astra during this whole exchange? She was an Aqualarian warrior-princess, you must remember, and had been trained for predicaments like these. She had managed to get one last breath of fresh air before she’d been immersed in the pool, and was able to stay put for a number of minutes. But even she had to get some more air at some point.Up came her head, for a brief instant, and all became silenced. #1 blinked. “Did you see that!?” (He’d wiped away most of the crap on his face by now)“Of course I did....what are you waiting for, jump in and get her!” “I aint going in there! Them fish the gov’ner keeps stocked in the water are scary!”“You’re scared of some bloody fish!?” “They’ve got pointy teeth!”“And I’ve got a pointy sword that I’ll shove up your ass if you don’t get in there this instant! That’s an order!” “I’d like to see you try something,” challenged number one, assuming a battle stance. “C’mon, try and shove something up my ass!”“You’re asking for it! Don’t think I wont lay down an ass whooping on ya! I’m giving you to the count of three!” “You can count to three!? Well, wonders never cease...”“THAT’S IT!!” Several moments later, the corpses of two disemboweled guards lay sprawled out on top of each other, like two quarrelsome lovers.Astra came up for air again, and realized what had happened. Seizing her moment of opportunity, she lept from the water and quickly disrobed one of the fallen soldiers and attired herself with a more incognito look. The clothes didn’t fit her perfectly, but she would now be able to move about the palace more easily. And now she had a weapon, a decent one too. She only hoped no one had overheard the two fools going at it...
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Lost Soldier
3/21/2004 10:21:52 AM
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