Kylaud of Hexland

Startled, Mark and Karen leapt to their feet. There was just enough light to see the malodorous thing they landed on - a creature the size of a child, but with extremely hairy arms and legs, wearing a nightgown that left little to the imagination. It had a thick black mustache, double D cups, glowing red eyes and willowy mangled wings clinging to its back. In one hand it clutched a bottle labeled "XXX".

"Braaaap!!" it belched as Mark and Karen stared like slack-jawed yokels at this beast from an opium addict's feverish trauma nightmare. "Hello there kids! Mah name's Kylaud. I'm a fairy."

"A good fairy?" Karen asked, wisely positioning herself behind her brother's powerful frame. Mark, for his part, was eager for a fight (Back in school, he was widely feared as an anti-bully - defending the weak and nerdy against their enemies - for a price). He cracked his knuckles and secretly hoped this thing would make a move on his sister, so he would be justified in pounding the snot out of it.

"Of course!" Kylaud said, lighting up a cigar. "One of the best! The question is, are you good humans?"

"Who's to say what's good and bad?" Mark shrugged. "We're lost and a little agitated. Excuse us for, uh, dropping in like that."

"So, lost in Hexland, are you? Damb portals attacking again?"

Karen quickly recounted their tale "Could you please tell us what this Hexland is - and how we can get out?" she said, full of hope.

"Well, isn't that rude? You've just gotten here and you wanna leave already? That's like me coming to your house, pissin' on yer plants and leavin'. Dry humpin' yer dog.... punchin' yer mom's lights out..."

"Excuse me?!!" Mark roared, then suddenly becoming aware of a loud rumbling sound coming from the eastern passageway.

"Wh... what is that?" Karen asked.

"Goblins!" Kylaud grinned. "They've smelled y'all! They've come to feast!"

In that rumbling sound, closing in fast, one could recognize the individual whoops and hollers of the obnoxious humanoid race "Oh, them bad boys'll strip all the flesh from yer bones - right after they're done tenderizing ya!" Kylaud added.

"I'll... I'll hold them off here!" Mark said. "Karen, hurry up and get out of here!"

"I'm not leaving you!" Karen said, painfully digging her nails into Mark's arm as she held on to him - as if that would help somehow. "I can't!"

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" Kylaud laughed uproariously "How delicious! Fortunately I can help y'all po' chitlins."

The fairy floated around and farted so loudly and powerfully a hole was smashed through the fabric of reality "Hurry up and follow me to Fairy Town!" he said, floating into the hole.

The goblins had reached the cave by that point - dozens of them, waving wooden spears and yelling in hunger as they sighted Mark and Karen, who were coughing and gagging uncontrollably from the fay's flatulence. The goblins were dirty, mangy, almost skeletal - many seemed like they had not eaten in weeks. As they closed in and breathed the effects of the gas, some dropped unconscious right away, while others pressed on, though seemed much weaker. Mark realized that if he just held his breath, he might be able to beat the vertically-challenged creatures without following the untrustworthy fairy into an obvious trap.

1. Like his hero the Rock, Mark decides to lay the smackdown on some goblins. Just bring it!
2. Still, the goblins are armed, and there's a lot of them. Mark grabs Karen and leaps into the portal.

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