Well, This All Seems To Be Going Smoothly...

Getting into the pyramid turns out not to be much of a problem. Probably because the distraction factor's just been turned up one gigantic notch and the guards are all busy staring at the dragon that's just appeared in the sky above them. Man. Chiana once told me -- was it really only a few days ago? -- that she was a talented distraction-causer, but if that really is her, she's completely outdone herself. In fact, I'm so distracted that Zhaan has to tug on my arm to remind me what we're supposed to be doing.

Inside it's cooler, which is nice. Freaky architecture, but nothing I haven't seen in Las Vegas, so I don't spend too long staring at it.

"Up several levels," says Betty, "there's a harem chamber. Lots of women being held against their will, doped up on drugs. This way. I think."

So there's lots of running up stairs and down corridors and through passageways. We hear a lot of shouting and some fighting -- hope that isn't anybody on our side getting their asses kicked -- but we haven't run into anybody. Holy hell, everything seems to be going according to plan.

Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. I did not just think that. Great, now we're jinxed.

Sure enough, we come pelting around a corner and end up face-to-muzzle with one of the Cujo-heads too-normal-to-be-true-gal warned us about. What she didn't warn us about was the fact that he'd have a machine gun. A machine gun! Frell!

We dive back around the corner as a spray of bullets impacts the space we'd been in half a second before. There's a horrible bellowing roar from behind me. I scream and swing Winona around to point at... Godzilla?

He pouts, a neat trick when you've got a mouth like that. "You stepped on my foot."

"Oh. Sorry." I quickly swing my weapon around to point the other way again, and dial her up a couple more notches. Footsteps come pounding down the corridor towards us.

"Now!" shouts Betty, as a face begins to appear around the corner. "Get 'im!"

Not much of a plan, really, but I'm on board. Four weapons on maximum settings discharge into the thing. It glows, screams, twitches... and seems to take forever to fall. The machine gun discharges again as it hits the floor. Flying bullets narrowly miss my ear.

And the damned thing's still twitching. I walk over, stick Winona into its ugly pointed ear, and pull the trigger. The result is messy, but satisfying.

I step back, trying not to feel sick. "Right," I say. Bring on the harem girls."

"And you a married man," says Betty. "OK. Umm... This way."

More running, more corridors, more freaky architecture. Eventually, we stop in front of a door.

"OK," Betty says, "I think this is it. There's bound to be a guard on duty, so be ready."

Winona and I take up a classic Clint Eastwood stance as Betty flings open the door to reveal...

1. What the hell?! Mummies!?

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