The Wrong Geek

"Hey," a gruff voice cried from the audience, "that was my chicken!" The voice came from a swarthy looking man, if ever there was one. The Story Cop thought he could vaguely make out barnacles growing underneath his coarse beard. But his lavishly decorated uniform identified him as a respected captain in the Hespanish Armada, whether he smelt of fishwater or no.

The sailor looked angrily at the Story Cop. “Arrr,” he said, a scowl creasing his weather-beaten face, "I can tell by the way yer jelly legs wobble and swagger about that yer a landlubber if there ever was one. Now, ye die!” The sailor revealed a scimitar and skillfully diced up the Story Cop, exactly recreating the wounds Fred had inflicted on the chicken.

The crowd went wild. A normal day at the market had turned into a great spectacle. They cheered and threw coins at the sailor. Fred was shocked. The bloody murder of the Story Cop was enough for him to snap out of his recent rampage. “What have you done?” he asked the sailor. “That was a Story Cop!”

”Arrr,” said the tall sailor, “Story Cop or no, he killed me chicken. And nobody kills anything that belongs to Captain Fogeno! By the way, laddie…what’s a Story Cop?”

Fred sighed. “You see, you and I are both fictional characters. None of this is real. You are a minor character in a ‘Never-Ending Quest’ in which I am the hero. The Story Cops monitor the quest and make sure things don’t get out of hand. With this one dead, the others are certain to come looking for us. Once again, these guys have created more continuity problems than they’ve actually solved.”

”Yer not makin’ much sense, but fer some reason I believe ye,” replied Fogeno.

1. “Come on, let’s get out of here before the other cops come poking around!”
2. Fogeno turned on Fred, killing him instantly. “Now *I* be the main character. Yo ho ho!”

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