Look Who's Coming to Dinner, or, the Frozen Chosen

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 1340

Fred turnd and saw a trio of skeletal creatures cloaked in black robes. The cold of their bodies radiated from them. They stood between him and the door.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"We are the frozen chosen," the foremost of the three spectral figures said. "We have a covenant with lava man: He provides us with human beings in various stages of being done---"

"Being done?" Fred asked.

"You know: not done yet, medium, and well done," the leader said. Behind him, one of the other three of the frozen chosen began pulling out various kitchen utensils from his robe: a butcher knife, several long forks, and salt and pepper shakers. "And undone," it added with a leer at Fred. "Which is the state in which you find yourself, my delicious and appealing friend."

The third of the three, very craftily, slid around rhe others and behind Fred. Its skeletal limbs were like cold steel. Effortlessly it pulled his arms back with amazing strength and trussed them. It whispered up into his ear, "Please tell us you've eaten lots of candy and sweets in your life! They add so much flavor to the roast!"

"But why should the lava man help you?" Fred asked. The second of the three set down its tools on the floor, crawled forward and began to inspect Fred's shoes for the best way to get them off. The spectre's hands were so cold that Fred jumped and pulled his feet up, but the one behind him held him so he couldn't back away.

"Because if he didn't, we would overpower him and eat him," the leader said. "For the cold chill of death and consumption will overpower the heat of life. So to prevent us from doing that, he chases other scrumptious people down this way, down to the kitchen of the frozen chosen!" The leader took up a cooking fork from among the utensils and fingered the two tines thoughtfully as he surveyed Fred from head to foot. "Now tell us, do you prefer to be served with white wine or red? To be poached lightly or slow roasted?"

The second one quickly slipped Fred's shoes off as Fred jerked his feet away and stripped away the socks. It groped along Fred's bare foot with its iron grip. "White meat," it reported. "A bit hairy. I've got a shaver in this robe somewhere." It rummaged in its robes and swiftly extracted a straight razor. It seized Fred's bare foot and began to shave Fred's hairy toes smooth.

"Oh, we can make a nice sauce for a white roast," the one behind him said as it pinched its fingers along Fred's ribs and belly. "Yes, he's got some meat on his bones. We'll need dry sherry for a nice gravy. Are you partial to mushrooms, Fred? Or would you liked to be served au jus, with shallors?"

"Stop worrying about his toes and let's get him nicely peeled off," the leader said. Once we see what we have, we can choose the best way to prepare him."

The one behind him stepped forward, holding Fred tightly by the arm. Its hand was like a cold manacle. "He's not over plump, but there's enough there for a good roast." He squinted at Fred and then patted Fred's belly with his free hand, showing an appreciative skill. "That's good eating!"

"Oh I forgot the butter!" the one on the floor exclaimed. It straightened up from Fred's foot in dismay.

"Don't worry, he'll wait. He's not going anywhere," the leader said. He used the tines of the fork to lift Fred's shirt a few inches. He tentatively poked along the flesh of Fred's belly. "Are you tender, Fred? Do you eat enough fat and sweets to make a respectable roast? Or would it be better to simmer you as a stew?"

"Look," Fred said. "Don't eat me. I'll make you a deal. I can help you."

"Oh, he's definitely a roaster," the one who had him by the arm said. "Just a bit of slow cooking and careful skill."

"And either way we'll need lots of onions," the one at Fred's feet said.

"I'm listening, Fred," the leader said. "But speak quickly. You are tender enough and meaty enough to make a good roast, once we bring the butter, and we are dreadfully hungry!"

  1. Make a Deal with the Frozen Chosen
  2. The Frozen Chosen Commence with dinner preparations
  3. Another person or creature interrupts the preparations

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9/21/2003 2:24:18 PM

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