Too many cooks spoil the Fred
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 33008
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Before Fred could speak to offer a deal, the spectral figure behind him
crammed an apple into his mouth. "Don't you know it's impolite to talk
with your food," it hissed at its leader. "All right," the leader of the three said. It turned to the second member of the hungry trio, who was clearly the expert in cookware and ingredients. "You go back and get the butter. And get a lot of it. He's big." The second one stood and raced off into the dark corridor. The other one pointed to a page in the manual. But Fred realized that the other one had not been exaggerating. These creatures were always hungry because they could not pass up a deal. Their captives could always talk a way out. "Wait, I've thought of a deal that you cannot resist!" he exclaimed. "I know about something that nobody else knows! I can give you the lava man." "Why would we risk getting the lava man when we already have you?" the leader asked. "No deals!" the other two shouted. Fred ignored their protests. "Because he's so hot and you're so cold. He would really warm you up. Just think! He'd make a great soup or stew. You're wrong when you say that cold will always conquer heat. Cold and heat live in constant balance. If you want to get the lava man under your control, you'll need another element." "Yes we know that there should be an element to capture him," the leader said wryly. "We tried water, but we're so cold that it froze when we tried to hurl it at him. It made him mad to have blocks of ice bouncing off his head, but it didn't effect him." "Of course not!" Fred said. "And even if you hadn't, he's so hot he would turn water right to steam. There's a better weapon." "Look, we've got this one just about ready for roasting," the one with the ingredients said. He came over to Fred and patted and grabbed him by the upper arm. "Look at that good eating. Think about those ribs!" But now both the others were curious, though they did look regretful at the reference to the ribs. "What element?" the leader asked. "First you have to let me go," Fred said. "Then I'll tell you." "I just know we're going to end up eating rocks again," the first one muttered. But the other two outvoted him. They let Fred go and let him wash off and put his clothes back on. Then he told them the element. "Earth," he said. "Earth will quench fire and bank heat. You have to surround the lava man with earth---dirt." "I knew we should have roasted him," the first one said. "Look at all that meat, and we just let it go." "I'm not lying, earth will work!" Fred exclaimed. "What's earth?" the leader asked. "It's dirt." "What's dirt?" Fred became exasperated. "It's what crops grow in. And what makes mud." All three of the hungry cooks looked at each other. Then they looked at Fred. "That must be in the world above," the leader said. "We've never seen earth or dirt." "Where did you get those vegetables from?" Fred asked. "There are peasants above who carry down crops as offerings to the gods of the mountain." "Well why don't you eat them?" Fred asked. All three were quite astonished. "Then they'd never bring us vegetables for our other roasts!" "Like you should have been," the first one said sulkily. "I have a grudge against the lava man," Fred said. "He brought me down here to have you eat me. I'll find earth to bring back and subdue him. Give me two of those baskets to take with me." He glanced at the three hungry spectres. "What do you say?"
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9/21/2003 4:44:14 PM
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