Darn Kes Pr....I mean DARNAZ PROBES!

Chiana

“I can’t believe I’m actually here!” Jool whispers.

A little annoyed I look over at the princess and see . . . her face is open and delighted. Almost childlike in her delight, really....

I-I....

Wow, kinda makes her look nice for a change. Much better than her constant moaning and b*tching, really.

"Uh well," I hear Betty mutter, fidgeting. "If I had known that this was our final destination I'd have told you about the DARNAZ PROBES earlier."

All eyes are suddenly upon Betty and Ragan.

"Hey, you all were all in too much of a rush to get off the Leviathan and I and Betty only recognized this place once we landed!" Ragan protests. "Not like we ever got the coordinates for this world in the show, you know. AND, may I add, we only learned of the planet's name once we landed, so OF course we couldn't tell you about the probes putting the temple into a timewarp!"

....

"A . . . timewarp?" Jool sputters out a half second (Hey, I'm getting a hang of these time units!) before me. "Timewarp? Like you're saying tha-that the priests and the temple are. . . .?"

"Frozen like mallot?" one of my sisters adds, finishing Jool's sentence.

"The Probes did it in the show . . . my sources say so," Betty says, nodding.

Right. By now this business of reality in TV being linked sort of is known to the others. By now, they've accepted it. Just one more fahrbot thing in their lives they've gotta worry about.

Heh.

"So these . . Darn Kes Probes caused not...." Crichton begins, flubbing the translation yet again.

Sometimes you have to wonder about him. Is it the translator microbes? Is it this Babel Fish? Is it just Crichton's brain on the blinks?

....

Hm, the third sounds the most likely, really.....

"Darnez Probes, bra." John corrects his brother. "Darnez. The other way makes it sound like that one chick from Star Trek: Voyager."

"Please, don't ruin a perfectly good day by mentioning that show," Betty mutters, looking like she's developing a headache.

Well, things turned to the question on just what to do next. How to proceed. Some say that they all should let the site dig leader know they are there and explain to her (in the show the boss had been a female Iterion) why they were there. Why some of them looked just exactly like some of the newest volunteers to the dig (i.e. why their Jool and D'Argo looks like her Jool and D'Argo). You know, things like that.

But of course that's when that $#% background music starts up again. They'd been so eager to get off ship in the hopes of getting AWAY from such things. Aparently that old Game 3 Author, Crossroad Man, had different ideas. That and has a strange sense of humor in as far as "subtle" hints. Hints to get a move on, here!

Yeah....

Well, the music is from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. The piece that played right around the time when Luke Skywalker came across Yoda. Well, guess who shows up?

Not right next to them, but in earshot.

Humans and others from Terra Prime familiar with the movie recognize the voice (small, wavering but puckish in a way) that says: "Away put your weapons I mean you no harm!"

The answering voice (Ragan and Betty recognize it as the overzealous head of security of the dig sight as seen/heard on TV) challenges the owner, ordering him to basically . . . put them up.

The yelp and thud next pretty much tells what Yoda thought of that!

Some of them look really annoyed when a young blonde man shows up, asking if they'd seen some mighty Jedi Master named....

Well, he seems puzzled how things just all of the sudden changed from swamp to . . . this, but Luke's just hoping that it's some kind of optical illusion. Some kind of test put up by Yoda, Force wise, as some kind of test for potential students.

....

Well, he's grasping at straws, really, but...

Well, the beeping and burping, mud covered "droid" next to him seems to be being more realistic (and more panicked by the sound of it).

"Over the ridge and down a ways," John manages to point and say in a stangled voice (not BELEIVING that this could be actually happening). "Little guy with pointed ears and green skin. Broken speech pattern. Likes throwing around Redshirt wannabes. Can't miss him."

Luke looks strangely at John and the others, and slowly backs off around and at least heads down that path (if only to humor people he has grave doubts about).

"Let us PLEASE get those probes and that frellin' temple dayside before Darth Vader or Darth Maul or Darth..." Crichton mutters, waving his hands in frustration. "Hell, f*ck waiting for permission and let's get this done before anything MORE crazy shows up!"

The others shout agreement, VERY much in agreement!

So quickly Betty and Ragan are consulted for locations of where she remembers (from TV) the Probes landed (and Tricorder readings detect the general emissions of such strange things, giving credence to their recollection). Seems that the dig team hasn't gotten even ONE yet....

Well, dragons fly quickly to each and magic digs up and finds the Probes. Pace out 600 metras (or whatever) and activated.

....

My, it sure makes some folks day! Especially when that Temple that had disappeared shows up again! Some others . . . are less than pleased at losing the Probes (but frell 'em)!

Past startled priest in robes, ready to sacrifice strange goat like creatures and to the center of the temple, right next to....the TARDIS! The Doctor himself takes the cubes out and places them at the exact point the Quest demanded and they disappear, collect by the Rules and Agents themselves (see them pick them up, pop in and then out, Zap!).

And to get some breathing room and time to plan the next (and final) move before the Champions return to Terra Prime. TARDIS dematerializes and discussion start.

Well, it was thought that the various Farscape folks would want to be dropped off back from where they came from, more or less. The Farscape folks from the "Eat Me" Farscape Reality would be dropped straight away onto their Moya (surprise Pilot there, I'm sure). The traumatized Pilot would be dropped of on his homeworld, to be cared for by his countrymen. The brainsucker, dropped off on some PK post with a note and a warning. The Twinning device was going with Sigin to be studied in his own private lab, thank YOU! The Farscape folks from this reality (this "Crichton Kicks" Farscape) would be dropped back dirtside. Best they work things out for themselves for now on, the Doctor had helped a lot but needed to get back home now, thanks. Oy, the Champions needed to get going and how! But.... Well....

What would Farscape be without some kind of curveball, eh?

By and large, that is what they all want. The only ones who were different were...

Chiana and Jool. That is, the Chiana of John's (ala "Crichton Kicks") reality and the Jool of Crichton's (ala "Eat Me") reality.

See, the Jools somehow . . . in the mess of things met and hit it RIGHT off. Yeah, right off. After all, they had lost family and this . . . was like gaining family, really. Couldn't stand the thought of parting, now. Besides, this Jool had bad luck. She'd found out through channels (somehow) that. . . her parents had....died while she'd been frozen...

....

Okay...

Well, it still causes all sorts of arguments, but . . . it's a policy. Moya's no longer (whichever one you speak of, whichever universe...whatever) a prison transport. Can get off whenever you want.

Oh, yeah. There's question about this Jool being an exact duplicate. Needing her own identity paperwork or whatever. Accounts. Whatever....

Chiana (native one) has the perfect suggestion. Seems that she knows some . . . . people of....

Well, she knows people. Black market stuff (comes with her profession, folks). Uh, like she's a thief, right? Knows the places (or how to find places) that sells things or pawn things. This case, she knows this one place where "genetic modifications" or whatever can . . . make Jool different enough. Uh, new and different. Needn't go so far as to change species (Uh....whatever), but make one Interion look like another (or different enough in identification makes, looks, etc) to throw off hunters. It even comes with this niffty feature (the higher quality ones) which establishes a whole new identity. Good enough (for the right money) that Jool could come back here with credentials high enough (and real enough) that the head dig boss would GLADY fall all over her to let her on!

And considering that a whole Temple and Priests (long lost and now found).... They're gonna need all the help they can get (both diggers and priests) to adjust and whatever.

Yeah, yeah, but that's Jool for you, I guess....

As for currency, can you say "replicator"? Yeah? Knew you could!

Turns out Scaran currency is what's asked for (and a quick borrowing for the duplication from Sikozu''s purse gets all they needed for the operation).

Amazingly enough, the doctors don't try to roll Jool. She exits looking a bit different than before. More like say a close cousin of the native Jool rather than a twin. Is even a little shorter and bigger in the....

Well, let's just say she looks (and sounds, voicewise) different.

"D*mn," Inquirer mutters, looking over the changed Jool (who's going to be going by a new name here soon). "I gotta say, I'm impressed!"

"Do I look good?" Jool asks, nervous. "I mean I didn't frell my looks up?"

"Look perfect," the native Chiana coos. "Even are more up to date with your fashion sense!"

Jool snaps around and glares at Chiana.

"Hey, what's wrong with my fashion sense?" she snaps, bristling (and for a moment the old showing through the new).

"Been out for over twenty cycles, princess." Inquirer says softly, short circuiting the approaching flareup. "While not OUT of style, it's probably no longer advent guard when you first . . . chose it."

Jool and Chiana (native) look at the Golem and then at each other.

"Oh," Jool finally manages.

Now, as for the native Chiana. Well....

She's made her peace with John. No longer blames him for her problems, but . . . she wanted to hitch along with her sisters from that other universe. Nerri had rejected her but now she's got family again . . . and she's not going to give that away.

Yeah, impulsive as hezmanna, but that's Chiana to a tee. Besides, you know her. She does what she wants, with who she wants and.... She'd said no to her D'Argo over marriage (unlike some). While she'd be leaving him on good terms....this relationship that had been so hot before . . . kind of fizzled out. They're....just friends now.

....

Sigh. She's going with Crichton. Give him and the other . . . help and all that dren. Kind of replacing Jool, who's staying.

Yeah, I know. Three Chianas. Go figure. Replicator again will go and be enough to buy her own identity (even IF she's an exact duplicate of the "native" Chiana where she's going). A Commerce planet (which the Doctor gets the coordinates to for picking up this Chiana so her vision problem can be fixed) is named and a promise to pick up is made as such and such time and such a such place (be there!).

Arguments over and bowing to necessity, the TARDIS drops the Farscape folks on their respective homes. The respective Moyas. Don't stay long to chat (uh, a two headed coin and something akin to a Tarken shield-belt (Federation issue, gift of B'Elanna), suited for blocking radiation is given to Crichton by John).

"Hopefully when you finish up with Ancient Jack the coin won't be needed but....nevermind," John sighs to the sputtering Crichton. "Don't ask, just . . . . go and good luck! And above all else do NOT trust Furlow or leave her alone with Jack!!"

Soon all others gone...

Gone. Gone except for only..

Only Sikozu left and this last part is going to happen alone between Inquirer and Sikozu. Female machine intelligence to female machine intelligence.

"So . . . speak," Sikozu sighs. "You kept your word and didn't reveal my nature to the others but what in the FRELL could you possibly suggest or do somehow salvage . . . my position."

She'd gone to a lot of struggle getting her position in this Organization of the Kalish. Getting into a position to worm her way up into some place further up there where she can spy (and eventually hurt or kill) her race's (adopted but still her race) Scaran overlords.

1. "Oh, simply this suggestion," Inquirer begins, sounding glib.

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