Pest Control

Sokuzua

She holds up a finger to my mouth, silencing me, while holding up her tricorder. Oh frell....!

Inquirer

Strange, isn't it? Seems that even in this far corner of the galaxy people's faces go pale when something shocks them deeply. Take away the slightly reptilian scale features around the face and the lack of eyebrows, this Sikozu Svala Shanti Sugaysi Shanu could well pass for an ordinary human being if viewed by normal human sight.

As it stands, despite all the odds it seeming that EVERY alien species that ever got touched in one way in whatever freaking way that makes them end up on Earth TV because....

Oh, "frell it" as Chiana would say! It's not important right now and I don't have time for this!

The Doctor and the other Companions know what I'm trying to accomplish here. Know what we're faced with here.

"I need your complete attention and your complete resources," I say softly to the shaken Sikozu. "I don't need someone hiding behind 'mere mortal' seemings, if you pardon my conceit. I'm assuming that you're mind is capable of incredible feats well beyond those of the entity who's place you've displaced. You aren't the original Sikozu Svala Shanti Sugaysi Shanu, are you?"

First, let me tell you something before we go on here. Don’t believe for one single moment that organics are “inferior” or “superior” to my kind. Yeah, even before my transfiguration I and other AIs could and would outperform human beings in the math field. Hey, it’s a good thing because you need to be nimble of mind to navigate and fly the pathways of the multi-verse and all that, calculating jumps and all. “Mere” human minds aren’t able to crunch the numbers quickly enough to be useful for that, alas. But I’ll tell you there are other areas that humans can meet (and some can exceed) your average AI. All balances out in the end. And let’s not try to compare my mind to the Doctor’s! Creator, I know well enough that he’d blow my doors off!

No, I’m not suffering from some kind of inferiority complex. It’s just plain truth! He’s a Timelord, you know!

But all that said I’m just . . . . Well, I’m greasing the skids. A little bit of flattery can do wonders sometimes. But compliments or not....

Sikozu looks like she's been punched in the stomach, but shakes her head slightly, signifying "no".

Hm, now if you're wondering what a biliod is, it's simple enough. They're, according to Betty, are cybernetic creatures which are made to appear like a regular organic sentient. A biosynthetic machine. They're useful for many things, but in this case Sikozu is a a Kalish bioloid with the special ability of emitting radiation that kills Scarrans (and certain mechanism of their manufacture). She and the rest of the Kalish (for the most part, seems that what Sikozu reveals to me in a whisper says that the "real" Sikozu was some kind of willing Scaran spy or some such, a real scumbag) want their conquerors gone and dead. Biloids like Sikozu were created to accomplish that. But it must be done with tact and stealth, else their overlords will wipe them out for attempting such a thing, right.

All in all, I kind of understand the rather draconian logic she’s stuck with. Certain lack of emotional attachments and sentimentality, but still I cannot say I care for what Betty and Ragan told me about the TV version of her. From what I’ve observed of her as she tried to work things out in her favor (and only her favor) while we dragged the Grudek up to Commnd.... Truth tell, don’t think that the apple fell too far from the tree

Yeah, I believe I've gotten her attention. Brutal, but we are running out of time and....

“I’m not here to judge you,” I finish. “Not here to blow your cover but I figure that it’s better to . . . lay all cards on table and show you what I and the others know. You . . . wouldn’t respect us, otherwise.”

Hey, stop looking at me like that! Yeah, the logic and reasoning behind this mess is more than a bit twisted, by then our dear Sikozu is more than a bit of that, really IF everything else from the TV translates over. For Creator’s sake, she’d eventually have some kind of romantic relationship with Scorpy!! If that isn’t twisted enough....

....

Trust me. This way is the only way to deal with Sikozu here. It’s shitty, but it’s all we can do to get us all away in time before MORE die.

Heavy handed tatics or not, Sikozu’s now helping. She even surprises me (hard to accomplish, folks) by stating (much to her amazement) that the control counsel was functional). Where the Pilot’s console was still rather offline, this piece of....

It was working, now!

John (ala “Crichton Kicks“)

“But that’s impossible!” I sputter, pointing at the Command console. “Hell, according to Pilot this entire room was frelled. Couldn’t even get IN here until robo-Sigourney here knocked the door off it’s hinges!”

Damn, that had been....impressive. Probably played a part in what finally cowed the Slaughterhouse Five over in the corner there. That and reenactment of Full Metal Jacket...

Hm, it appears that parallel Earth business or not, the better business management method of yelling at idiots to get them to do what you need them to do seems to have made it there as well as my world!

....

Rather impressive, actually....

....

“Bigger hammer theory,” that woman named Inquirer mutters. “Seems that the ramming and shocking the Grudeks over there fixed things.”

Okaaaay! That little bit of trivia probably makes as much sense as ANYTHING has made ever since Sikozu crashed through my equations earlier today! Yeah, it’s nice that Chiana (and even Rygel) is back aboard, but....

Frell, I just was NOT expecting to see all these . . . extras from some kind of earlier version of my life from out here in this weird ass end of the universe! Yeah, instead of me...er. . . this other Crichton (who I feel a lot warmer towards than any of the clones, either through Twinning or that Green probe thingamabob). No, instead it’s Chiana who’s been Twinned and....

Oh frell it, later!!

Hm, maybe I should give them a few pointers? Like perhaps they want to do their cromaxium shopping elsewhere than the planet I did after Talyn showed up, all beat up after the Retrieval Squad jumped him and Craise.....

Argh! Later, Later, LATER!!

Let’s just get rid of the THING, okay!?

“Just use the frellin’ console to track down all the ‘It’ monsters and snuff them,” I says, holding onto my patience with both hands.

If anything else strange happens today I swear I’m gonna LOSE it!

Crichton (ala “Eat Me”)

“Hey bro,” I call out, placing a hand on my . . . . analog’s shoulder (God, this is WEIRD). “Give Pyscho-zu and Sigourney a break here! And while we’re at it, for God sake calm down!”

Do I ever get this manic? I mean, really?!

....

Uh, don’t answer that.

“John, that’s what we’re going to do here!” Inquirer protests, stepping between Sikozu and my brother. “But she’s got to track down the location of what we came aboard so it doesn’t get killed along with all the other ‘It’ monsters.”

“But what if it is It?” my brother asks, wild eyed. “What if that thing is what’s gone out to infect....”

Smack!

Ouch! That hurt my hand!

My brother, meanwhile, is staring at me.

“You slapped me!” he gasps, shocked.

“Yeah, well you were going around the bend!” I shout back. “Calm the Frell DOWN!”

This is supposed to be some kind of older, more experience version of ME?

B’Elanna

“Uh, we don’t need to use the ship’s sensors or DRDs to track down the target,” I shout, interrupting as I point back the way the clicking detecto-wand is pointing. “It’s on it’s way and it’s.....rather near!

Whirrp!

“Got it!” Soliktril shouts from the corridor. “Think you might want to see this thing, though.”

“It’s that damn Brindiz Hound,” Ragan says, pointing.

A whirring sound behind me proceeds a loud, quick snapping sound that Inquirer usually makes with her tricorder whenever she sees something on it that she doesn’t like!

“Blockify that thing NOW,” she orders, under no unclear terms. “It’s IT!”

Shit!

A quick tinkling sound and....

The male elf known as Soliktril Jones walks in, looking ruefully at the crystal block in his hand.

“Damn this things quick,” he mutters. “Glad my elf reflexes were up to the shot or it been all over me and that would be.....shitty!”

While I make sure that the block IS new and not some kind of fake (AND that Soliktril Jones ISN’T some kind of It infected replicant), there are a lot of questions.

That is, while Sikozu is flushing out all the areas except the Pilot’s Den area immediately around the Pilot (that’s one place she cannot override atmospherics).

We really do have to kill all the monsters out there before we feel safe and despite how strong and swift this It thing is, it hasn’t absorbed anyone or anything (yet) that can stand the vacuum of space!

That is, it hasn’t gotten to D’Argo or Rygel, thank the Creator!

Oy, and the Divine One must have had a real sense of humor making those two races the exception to the rule of always going outside in Space with your spacesuit!! I mean no disrespect, but rather I find it utterly stupefying that their races’ skin is....

....

Well, at least we know one thing for sure. There are limits to what “It” can assimilate in one setting! It cannot even think about absorbing Inquirer’s kind (too alien in composition). Cannot digest a Leviathan (too big to do it without risking a hull breach). And as for Pilot.....

Uh, stay tuned. We didn’t feel the ship shudder in sympathy with Pilot if “It” tried to eat her.

One thing to worry about here when we finally get everything else killed aboard here on this Leviathan. Besides Command, Pilot’s Den, and the Maintenance Bay which we have barricaded, we’ve got a Living Ship to clean and THEN we need to make sure that the leftovers are safe!

.....

1. This is going to take a while....

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