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"I still feel that I need a little time to think it over," I tell
John. "I'm very fond of you, but I'm not yet sure whether I truly love
you." Which isn't strictly true, since I'm sure that as of now I
don't love him, but it seems the kindest way of putting it. A
little voice in my head tells me that I am prevaricating, and that I won't
be any the wiser in a couple of days time than I am now, but I ignore it.
Naturally John looks a little disappointed, but he accepts that. There is only one bed in the room, so he makes himself as comfortable in a chair as he can manage. I feel a little guilty about that, but the bed isn't really large enough for us to share given the circumstances, and in my condition I could hardly take the chair myself. I haven't had one of my visions for a long time now but, perhaps brought on by my having eaten a bigger meal than I've had since before I fell into Gustav's clutches many months ago, I have one tonight. I've learnt that what they show does not always come to pass. I suppose that they show me a possible future rather than an inevitable one. So when I wake, I'm not sure whether what I dreamt should influence me.
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2/5/2007 12:23:08 PM
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