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It hurts terribly to keep my pregnancy a secret from Don, but I feel
telling him will only make the situation worse than it already is. He
seems genuinely agonized over this, and I don't wnat to hurt him further.
I do still love him, after all. I wish he would just sweep me up
and have us ride off together, never to return. I know it cannot be; he
is committed to another, and I can't get in the way of that. What could
he do for me anyway? Break off his engagement? It would disgrace his
family, and his fiancee. I wouldn't want that on my conscience. Keep me
and the
child hidden in some town miles away, secretly supporting us finacially?
That wouldn't be fair to him, to me, to his wife, or to our child. No,
this is for the best.
That decided, I feel it's best to seperate from him sooner rather than later. The longer we stay together, the better chance of him finding out, either from me or on his own. So, staying with him even on his current quest isn't a good option. But where will I go? I don't know anyone around here, nor the area especailly well. I suppose I could go with Don as far as the capital, and try to find employment and lodging there. If nothing else, I have some experience, albiet brief, as a barmaid. I also have an education in architecture (future architecture, but still) to fall back on, though I don't know how I'd go about finding work in that field, or if, as a woman, I'd even be able to at all. Nevertheless, for a few months at least, I should be able to support myself. The real problems will begin once my pregnancy has advanced to the point where it prevents me from working, and of course, after the birth. I very much doubt they have daycare centers for working mothers, or any sort of welfare system. Unmarried mothers are looked upon with scorn in this land, and are found primarily in brothels and other houses of ill repute. Having gone to such lengths to escape that fate in Artazia, I don't want circumstance to force me into submitting to it volunatarily once my baby is born. But what else can I do? For a fleeting moment, I almost wish I was back in Artazed, with Zal and Nadia. But no, I cannot go back there, even if I had the means to do so. There is another option, though....Hendrik. The kindly woodcutter who saved me on my first trip to Laralia, after I had been drugged and robbed. [2381] I wonder, could I stay with him? He lives alone in the middle of the forest, so perhaps wouldn't be scandalized by having a pregnant woman staying with him. But would it be wrong of me to impose upon him so? I would not want to put him in an uncomfortable situation.
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10/21/2006 7:07:54 PM
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