D'Honaire v. You, a Class Action Suit
The Black Void - Episode 255
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"I'm not trying to steal anyone's spotlight. What the hell is this?"
"No, no, I'm definitely sure of it. You're that annoying 'you' character! How would you like it if you were doing something, and then you had to sit and watch as someone else did exactly what you were supposed to do next? Huh?" "Well, I suppose I wouldn't like it. But I still have no idea what you're talking about." "Stop feigning ignorance, you, you..." The armored man struggles to find the word for whatever insult he wishes to throw at you. "...you you! Prepare to feel my wrath, scoundrel!" He unsheaths a very large sword. Compensating for something? Maybe. But I'm not going to provoke this weirdo any more. "Fred!" screams the redhead. "Get a hold of yourself!" The crazy man disappointedly re-sheaths his sword. "Hold on, man!" I try to defend myself. "I am not 'you.' I am 'me.' That's first person. Got that? I see things, I do things, I decide what goes on in my story." "He's right, Fred." The naked chick tries to soothe the guy. "He definitely doesn't look like a 'you.' Besides, if he was, why would he be here?" "Huh?" Bobo interrupts before anyone can explain the woman's comment to me. "Just sit down and we'll get down to business here." Bimbo takes out a pair of reading glasses and reads straight from the papers. "We, Fred D'Honaire, Duke of Suffex, Astra D'Honaire--" "Hold on!" I yell incredulously. "You two are married?" "I had to abdicate the throne of Aquilaria to do it, too!" the woman pouts. Fred chimes in as well. "Well, we figured that once my quest finally ended, some author was going to make us get married. So we just jumped the gun and got hitched before any author could do anything about it. Come to think of it, that's about the only thing we've ever done without an author's permission. Oh, and of course, this class action suit." Darn, I think. I guess she's taken. Bimbo continues. "Duchess of Suffex, Scott Chen, Velus the Dog, Bruno the Bear, ..., and first-person character Me, do hereby attest that Second-Person Viewpoint Character, heretofore designated 'You', has inserted itself into several storylines without prior warning, causing severe emotional distress for all of the above parties as well as other Extend-A-Story characters. Consequently, we are suing You on behalf of all Extend-A-Story characters for as much as we can get away with, partially to help defray the cost of therapy for all Extend-A-Story characters and the financial loss suffered by viewpoint characters' inability to work in several Extend-A-Story episodes, and partially to ensure that You will never again be able to unexpectedly insert itself into another storyline." "So, this You guy, he's like a story virus, or something, right?" I am so confused right now. Who signed me up for this? The dog barks once. "That means yes," explains the chick with the big - Astra, you remind yourself. She has a name. "It just shows up in the middle of a storyline somewhere and converts the whole storyline into second-person, often leading to continuity-destroying fights between the original viewpoint character and the impostor You." Bimbo continues to drone on and on and on. No one interrupts for the rest of the time. By the end of the document, you've realized two things. First, the entire document is filled with legal mumbo-jumbo that doesn't make any sense, probably isn't even close to the right jargon, and will therefore cause the case of D'Honaire v. You to get thrown out before Bimbo and Bobo can make any kind of argument. Second, you've invaded this storyline in the middle of an episode. Ha! Those jerks don't know what's coming, now that you know of their plans!
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unknown adventurer
3/8/2005 11:30:54 PM
Extending Enabled
1643037 episodes viewed since 11/21/2004 7:16:57 PM.