Sand? In My Vagina?

The guy at the console turns around when Scott enters. "You're not supposed to be in--" he gets out, before Scott tasers him.

"Shaddup," says Scott unnecessarily. He sits down in the now-empty seat and stares at the PA blankly for a bit. He finally flips it on.

"Is this thing on?" he says in a slow monotone that would have done Ben Stein proud. He taps it experimentally a couple of times.

"I guess it is. I've come to speak to you about something very important, something all of you ladies should take to heart. Genital hygiene. My girlfriend--Carla, are you in there somewhere?" His monotone grew even slower and more modulated, almost hypnotic. "If you're here, you should listen too. This could do you some good."

"Girls, I can't stress the importance of taking care of your vagoo enough. It's going to be with you for the rest of your life. For example, Carla often forgets to wipe towards the rear after using the bathroom, and as a result, she develops a massive yeast infection at least once a month. Ladies, you need to remember--always wipe towards the rear. Never towards the front."

He leaned closer to the microphone. "Now, you also need to keep something else in mind--the vagina is self-cleaning. Douching tends to upset the natural pH balance of the vagina, and can actually introduce foreign bacteria to the uterus and fallopian tubes, contributing to vaginal odor and infection. And I can tell you that Carla's scabby vagina has an aroma not unlike a sardine cannery on a hot August day..."

1. He continues like this for some time.
2. The customers in the store react in much the same way as you'd reasonably expect.
3. Josh tries to hold the police at bay while Scott continues in the same monotone, recounting an endless litany of Carla's faults--physical, mental and emotional.
4. ...and unfortunately for him, Carla is out there listening as well. What's going through her mind at this moment?
5. Next, Sara and Jasper decide to entertain the listeners with a series of commerical spots for insane and completely useless fictional products.
6. Whoah..not only does this land Scott in hot water, it also lands him a cushy gig as a shock jock!

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