Blast From The Past

"1978 here," says a voice on the other end. "One stop shop for the Seventies. How can we help you tonight, ma'am?"

"Yeah, hey, can you help me? My cousin got eaten by a really fat guy, and I need to see if I can return him to life before what's left of him gets shat out." Sara says. "I really need it now, too. Can you do anything?"

"Yeah, lemme see here...nope. I can't do anything from here. You'll need to come in for a consultation and bring the fat guy with you. How big does he look? Can you give me an idea?"

She looks again, does a little math in her head. "Oh..probably around 2000 pounds. Maybe a little more."

"What about his blood type?" the voice says.

"Ummm..I think he's an O-Negative."

"Oooh, that's bad. Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you here--I don't think we can do anything, 1978 isn't really set up for that. But what I can do is, I can put you through to 2094, they're set up for cybernetic reconstruction and genemod therapy over there. I can't get you a price estimate, though."

1. He puts her through to 2094. Much general wackiness ensues.
2. "We're not set up for that either," 2094 says. They put her through to 3029., complete with battlemechs and the Succession Wars.
3. Sara is suddenly accosted by 1895.
4. She gets put on the line with a hungover guy who claims to be God. He also lives in Trenton, New Jersey.

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