Mud & Blood II : ELECTRIC BOOGALOO and the Quest for the Orange Marmalade, NOT A SCOTT & JOSH STORY - with inspirational insights by Lord Fred
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 80022
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Fred cannot believe it, his rage taking control. His mouth frothing as he
stares at the lad with wide, red-rimmed eyes. The lad, for his part, begins
to think that perhaps his sense of duty is overdeveloped. Maybe he should
just... but then its carnage! Lord Fred grabs both his swords, and with a double stroke casually disarms the lad and then rips open his clothing and abdomen. Guts, blood,,viscera, and - oddly enough - orange marmalade flood out of the lad as he shrieks in wild panic and attempts to hold in his intestines and marmalade. As he falls to the ground, Fred kicks him a few times. Fred just cannot believe it! First that filthy bastard blacksmith dares to strike him, and now this soon to be worm-feast youth dares to stand in his way! "Let this be a lesson to you," Fred says to the lad as he writhes in his death throes. "never stand in the way of your betters." Kids today.. they just are so hard to teach good lessons to. Oh well. Fred makes sure he stomps around in the mud, blood, and marmalade for a while before he goes into the Magistrate's office. He actually goes in and out a few times to make sure he is tracking enough into the office, until his rage begins to subside."Ahhhh..." sighs Fred, thinking happily about what he will have for lunch. He then looks up at the Magistrate, who is looking out the door at the arm of the lad hanging into the doorframe, at the mess on the floor, back at Fred (who got a fair amount of blood and marmalade splattered onto himself), back at the floor... "Ah, my Lord" says the Magistrate, "um....." and then he makes a run for his office. He gets in, slams the door, and Fred clearly hears a locking mechanism. "leave now!" the Magistrate yells. "there is about twenty gold in a cash box behind the front counter. Take it and go, you murdering murderer!"Fred cannot believe it! He was here as an upstanding individual, to report the horrid beating of the town blacksmith, and then here was the Magistrate, an officer of the Law, hiding in his office? He had nothing to hide from. In fact... its RUDE to leave a nobleman waiting! "Your magistratiness, please come out here, " says Fred in even tones, but his eyes stare fixedly upon the door. The nerve of the people in this village hamlet! in this worthless shithole! Fred has never been so insulted..."Leave, please leave!" cries the Magistrate, as Fred launches himself against the office door and begins beating on it with his fists. "Please! No more killings!" Fred cannot believe the slander! he is not a murderer, he only does what needs to be done. But being spoken to and insulted and treated like he has, well, that needs action! He is LORD Fred, and this Magistrate is just a glorified commoner!Fred knows what he needs to do. He wipes some marmalade off his shoulder and licks it. “Delicious!” he decrees. “What’s delicious?” inquires the magistrate from behind the heavy door. “Your guard!” answers Fred. “He was full of marmalade. Orange. Absolutely delightful! I wish I had some crackers!”“Well…” the petrified man stammers. “I’ve….I can’t believe I’m saying this but….I’ve…..I’ve….I’ve…..” “Yes, yes!” blasts the impatient nobleman. “Spit it out, already!”“….I’ve….well, I’ve got some crackers. Perhaps we could have ourselves a little snack?” Fred’s face lights up at the notion. “That sounds like a great idea. Why don’t you open the door, you miserable little rat!”“You promise you won’t kill me?” comes the diminutive little sods rat like squeaking. Fred guffaws, phlegm and spittle cascading down his unshaven chin. “Kill you!? Why would I kill you? You silly! You’re just a...a...a...a...big silly goose!”That seems to lighten the magistrate’s mood, as Fred can clearly hear the door being unlocked. Sure enough, the door swings open and the magistrate is revealed in all of glory, standing there with an impish smile and a tray of saltines with a butter knife. “Splendid!” says Fred as he casually removes the man’s head with one heavy swipe of his trusty sword. He manages to scoop up the tray before it hits the ground.Blood pools around the corpse. Unfortunately, however, there is no marmalade. Not this time. Not this time.
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Ib (heavily excerpted from 80005 (Reaibn))
5/19/2009 2:07:40 PM
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