Rain Dance

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 79874

On cue, water began soaking the patrons of the wayside tavern. “Damn leaky roof!” grumbled an orcish mage. “Oi! Barkeep! I thought you was gonna get that fixed!”

“Uhhh...I was...” the bungling, butterfingered barkeep mumbled awkwardly, dropping an empty mug he’d been cleaning in the process. “It’s just that...well...I spent all the money I was gonna use to fix it on these new pair of knickers.”

“Well...they are nice knickers,” the orc conceded.

“Thank you,” the barkeep nodded. “I thought so myself. They flatter me rump, they do.”

“I’LL TELL YOU WHAT THE, DUH, PROBLEM IS!” boomed a massive troll from his lurking place in an especially shadowy corner of the pub. How he even managed to get into the tavern in the first place was a total mystery. “THIS, DUH NEWCOMER IS DOIN’ A RAIN DANCE, HE IS!”

The improvised ‘music’ came to a grinding halt. For some reason the sound of a modern vinyl record being scratched resounded from nowhere. “What!?” the patrons shouted in unison.

“YA, DAT’S RIGHT!” the troll went on. “I’S SEEN IT BEFORE! WHY YOU DOIN’ A RAIN DANCE, BUB! WE AINT IN A DROUGHT OR NUTIN’!”

Brin looked at Fred expectantly. “Well?” she said. “The troll’s got a point. Why did you do a rain dance?”

“Simple,” Fred replied. “I did it because...

  1. I felt like it. There. Anybody got a problem? We can take this outside.
  2. I'm feeling a little..dingy. I need a bath. And from the looks of it, a few of you in here could use one too. There is some grumbled agreement.
  3. I like rainbows. Who doesn't? And without rain, there's no rainbows.
  4. I don't know any other dances. Honestly I thought it was just a coincidence that everytime I hit the dancefloor it starts pouring. This actually explains a lot of things I'd been confused about. I thank you, good sir Troll.
  5. Fred didn't have a good answer. So instead he slaughtered everyone in the pub. He sometimes did that. It was a nervous reaction, he wasn't a bloodthirsty killer.
  6. Run, Fred. Just run.

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8/10/2008 10:55:20 AM

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