Competence Lessons

You're not a ninja, and never will be. For instance, you can't shoot lasers from your eyes, walk on water, leap tall buildings in a single bound, or turn water into wine. Wait, that was Jesus or Superman. I get those confused sometimes. Either way.

But you know a great many things that the ninjas don't--namely, the basic skills necessary to get through life. Their leader, the only truly wise one, hires you to try to teach them to be functional. The salary is many times what you've ever made, enough to keep you comfortable for life, provided you can find a place that converts Confederate money and trading stamps.

On the first morning, you decide to teach them how to tie their shows and concentrate.

1. "The rabbit goes around the tree and into the hole," you say, demonstrating. The ninjas OOH and AHHH at this.
2. the ninjas somehow accidentally kill themselves tying their shoes.
3. They're pretty incompetent and don't master it right away. You decide to start with something more basic, like Disney films.
4. Not only do they NOT master it, by trying, they somehow fuck up so badly that they open a dimensional rip into the Dimension of Suck. The entire city is pulled in.

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