Big Fish in a Little Pond -or- The Tale of Sir Chen -or- What Happened to Scott in the Niney Dimey

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 78146

Now the Ninth Dimension or ‘Da Niney Dimey’, as the native hoodlums call it, isn’t half bad at all, really. Scott took it all in. It hurt at first, but then it got numb. It looked like any other dimension, except for in this one there was this huge lidless eye in the sky that seemed to be watching his every move.

And it was.

“Ah, welcome, my good man!” said someone from behind him, giving him quite a startle. He turned to see the perpetrator of these words - a smarmy, pug-faced little man dressed in a dusty black suit and donning a bowler hat. A large smoldering cigar drooped from his lower lip like a stubborn turd clinging to a loose, slimy sphincter. Knowing Scott as we do, we can certainly come to an intelligent hypothesis as to what events transpired next. So let’s skip all that boring rubbish and jump right to the make-up sex, afterwards.

“That was great,” said the man, who happened to be named Adley, though Scott never knew it or even bothered to ask. Both he and Scott were cuddling on a soiled mattress in some seedy motel in Hobo Town.

What is Hobbo Town, you ask? Why, it’s the best town around! Because in Hobo Town there aren’t any smelly girls! We find ourselves in a choked alleyway somewhere in the heart of the city, with steamy sewer vents and spilled trash cans a’plenty and the cries of stray cats filling the tainted air and all that normal choked alleyway stuff.

LOOK!

There’s some dirty Hobos! Look at their funny clothes! Point at their stupid clothes and laugh! Laugh at the stupid hobos! Stupid hobos! HA! They’re all carrying tattered umbrelas. Oh look! They’re dancing! Look at the stupid hobos dance like a bunch of fucking queers!

Dancing hobos! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

And as the Hobos dance out their well choreographed routine, they sing in their scratchy hoboid voices:

In Hobo Town! In Hobo Town!
It’s the best town around!
Cause we hate girls!
In Hobo Town! In Hobo Town!

YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

Okay, back to the main ‘haps

Scott was watching the tele while Adley nibbled on his toes. The flashing of the TV provided the unsanitary room with a sterile blue light that seemed to somehow purge their horrific surroundings of the 50 years of accumulated sin that lingered in every mite-laden strand of brownish (originally white) shag carpeting and inch of cracked linoleum flooring where roaches swarmed like the buffalo of yore. Scott was singing along to the lyrics of his favorite kids show, The New Adventures of Snorbin and Nippleboy! Would you like to hear the song he sung?

  1. Oh God, NO! Not with this again!
  2. YES! Of course!
  3. Maybe. First you're going to have to answer one question; are nipples involved?

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6/27/2008 8:17:15 AM

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