The New Adventures of Scott & Jerry in the Staircase Room
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 75430
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It could be worse...
At least that’s what Jerry kept telling himself. Life in the Staircase Room was a lot like life in the slammer, minus the anal rape. Here the anal sex was consensual. It wasn’t so bad! The food was mediocre, but plentiful. The teal couches were a bit dusty, like everything else in the room, but comfy. The cable, along with the rent, was free. The Starbucks was always open and Scott, though a bit of a slob, was a pretty decent fellow. Compared to life in his bedraggled apartment in New York, this was certainly an improvement. Still...something was missing. Something wasn’t right about...this placeOne fateful day Jerry voiced his observations to his roommate and bedfellow. “Scott?” he said. Scott answered with a grunt, keeping his eyes glued firmly to the television all the while.“Do you ever get the feeling we’re being... watched?” Scott shoved more food supplies in his mouth and shrugged. “Sure, I guess, whatever,” he replied through a mouth full of half-chewed, trans-fat laden slop.The Jew shook his head and began pacing about the expansive, through strangely confining, room. “I dunno....somethings not right. With all of... this.” Scott slumped further into the sofa. “That’s nice.”“Are you even paying attention to what I say!?” Scott shoveled another handful of mystery substance into his mouth and shrugged. “That’s nice.”“THAT’S IT!” Jerry raged, marching over to the television and blocking it’s glorious imageries from Scott’s probing eyes. Scott let out an indifferent sigh and attempted to change the channel using the trusty remote that, along with a box of food supplies, was always by his side. “I don’t like this channel,” he muttered with an emotionless sigh. “Huh. The batteries must be dead in this thing.”“YOU SON OF A BITCH! I’m not a CHANNEL, I’m a PERSON!” “Oh. Right. Hey, will you do me a favor and get me some more tripple-As? They should be in the kitchen, in the drawer next to the sink...”But Seinfeld had reached his breaking point and, like so many others who had spent any length of time with Scott, burst into tears. “Now I know how Josh feels!” he wailed in anguish. “You...you heartless...BASTARD! Sometime I feel like you love that precious remote more than you love me!” Scott scratched his crotch and belched. “Does this mean you’re not gonna get me the batteries?”
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4/13/2008 10:11:25 AM
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