We'll All Stay Skinny Cause We Just Wont Eat - A Scott & Josh story (with inspirational insights by Reaibn and Colonel Sanders)
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 75042
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It’s the new and improved colonel, with the trendy new haircut and 25% less
racism than before. And 0 grams of transfat per serving! “Why, I do believe
I have been called upon to clean up this here squalor,” he says in his
thick Kentucky drawl. Reaibn, after five minutes of fierce wrangling, manages to procure the bucket of fried chicken from the colonel’s cold, clamy hands. “For my money, I like Popeyes,” he declares. “But this will do. You got your work cut out for you. I think we got mold...and...stuff. There might be some corpses...well, skeletons, at least. Um...there’s some slime that I think might be sentient living under the under the fridge. Might want to wear gloves. Yadda yadda yadda. I’m sure it’s nothing new for you. Josh has a pile of dirty laundry that hasn’t been touched in five years...I think there’s a troll living in it. Might want to keep a club handy. Are you good at riddles? I hope so...for your sake. Um. The teal sofa...you know, under the cushions...there might be anthrax. Just uh...have at it.” The colonel kisses his mop and fondles it in an entirely inappropriate manner. “Don’t you, I say, don’t you worry none, son,” he assures the manic-depressive author-cum-character. “Abigail and, I say, Abigail and I will have this fine domain shinin’ like a blue Kentucky moon before you can say inbred redneck bigot!”A furtive smile plays across Reaibns pale, sickly face. “Let’s hope so. Bill Murray’s gonna be here in like...” he glances at his watch. “....Five minutes. More or less. Um the whole space-time thing. Could be 10,000 years, could be one millionth of a millisecond from now. Either way, you got your work cut out for you. When you’re done you can consult Scott over there as far as payment goes.” Josh, meanwhile, does a little dance. “Look what I can do!” he exclaims. That’s nice, Josh. It's your nap time, isn't it?Scott settles back onto the sofa and hits ‘play’, then falls into a coma for a little while. Several mice scurry across the room, pursued by a cat no one seems to have ever noticed.Some monks over in a corner of the room begin chanting. It’s really quite soothing. Another day in the staircase room... JUST THEN!
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Ib
4/2/2008 8:11:32 PM
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