Bottomless Pit Recovery System - by Acme.

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 71107

If only he had payed attention when Hank had demonstrated it’s function. Why were these things always so damn difficult!?

And so while Hank had wailed in terror, slipping ever further into the bottomless pit, Fred had consulted the Bottomless Pit Recovery User Guide for Dummies which was posted up on the dungeon/AA affiliate wall right next to the strange contraption.

Thank you for purchasing our Bottomless Pit Recovery System and Multi-function Sensory Diagnostician Pack with optional Relocation Cryptography Kit and Non-euclidian Cosmotargeter with Nuclear Bacon Aerocalculator!

Step One: Using the Catalytic Pliers, loosen the Hyperspatial Stapler and rub your nipples three times.

Step Two:Done? Good? How do your nipples feel? Tender? Good. Now, using the Atomienergetic Mallet that should be attached the mult-phasic inverters, pound the housing around the bio-diesal nuclear gunk-spouter as hard as you can. Really give it a good wack. You should hear a horrible sound that is something akin to a thousand children being mauled by ravenous hyenas, and there should also be a large plume of black smoke. NOTE: do not inhale the smoke.

Step Three:If at this point you have inhaled the smoke, you are probably dead. Have you inhaled the smoke? No? Good. Next, invoke the Stillborn Banes' Evocation of the Unspeakable Sin. Once this blasphemous act is finished, rub your nipples again, for good measure. Then, making sure to keep your nipples at maximized tenderness, use the Polarized Ressurection Reciever inside the glass box above the Thermo-Astro Flippertyjibbet. Break the box with the Atomienergetic Mallet. Done? Good. Take a breather. Whoever is in the abyss aint going anywhere, and anyway their poor-planning isn’t YOUR emergency. You know? Smoke a cigarette. Stretch your legs. We got all day.

“Dammit!” Fred had cursed impotently. “You okay, Hank!?”

“Asheyawa! Asheyawa! Asheyawa!!! ”

“Okay. Don’t you worry! I’ll have you out in a flash!” By Crom he needed a draught of Grod!

  1. He continued on with the 'instructions'...
  2. Before continuing, he decided to 'quench' his 'thirst' at the local Pub.
  3. Disregarding the direction altogether, he merely pressed the big red button that said, "Bottomless Pit Ejector"

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