The Home of Hamel the Hay Merchant, Part IV
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 71018
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“The matter’s settled then!”the hay merchant proclaimed with an
enthusiastic chuckle. He took another hearty quaff of his special wine to
seal the deal. Fred forced a weak, untempered smile and nodded. “It’s settled.”And truly he felt this was the wisest course of action. Not because he had any inclination to abandon his mission, but because he felt this was an excellent way to learn the layout of the city and become better acquainted with it’s citizens and their customs. “I think you’ve made the right decision,” Thelma chimed in. “Now who’s ready for dessert?”The next morning... Fred was roused from his slumber by a sudden, sharp pain in his side. He lurched forward, still in a daze, and found Hamel looming over him. “It’s time to get up, you lazy dolt! There’s work to be done!”Fred grumbled and rubbed his sleep-laden eyes. “By the seven wails of Sheol, was it absolutely necessary to kick me, you dunderhead! Your beard deserves not so honorable a grave as to stuff a botcher's cushion or to be entombed in an ass's pack saddle! You piddling old pig-licker! Dammit! Dammit it all! What time is it!? Do you realize this ‘bed’ is infested with fleas! Vjorican hospitality. I would just as soon waltz into the Mage’s Guild and be turned into whatever manner of amphibian they fancy!” Hamel guffawed. It was much too early in the morning to be guffawing. Why, the crickets still chirped outside!Fred narrowed his eyes in steely rage. “I’m glad you find it funny, you ...beslubbering... pox-marked...codpiece! O, but were mine eyes into arrows turned, that in a rage I might shoot them at your fucking face!” Hamel tilted his head to one side “Beslubbering?”“That’s right, beslubbering! You unmuzzled, milk-livered lewdster!” “Are you done?”Fred sighed. “I think so. I’m sorry. It’s early. Got any coffee?” Hamel shook his head. “Here,” he said, handing Fred the canteen of wine.Fred shrugged, and downed the entire contents of the canteen in one long gulp. “Easy now,” Hamel remarked, eyeing the foreigner leerily. “I’ll be in the stables when you’re ready, Lord Grumpyhead. We’ve got a long day ahead of us!”Fred uttered a few more slanderous remarks as his host ambled off and, after washing up a bit, joined the man in the stable. By now the sun was indeed rising, casting it’s warm rays through every nook, cranny, and window in the foul-smelling chamber. “Ah, there you are! My, but you are a knight, aren’t you?” He regarded the man’s attire by the light of the morn and whistled. “Ye aint foolin’ me with your cloak, lad. I see that armor yer a’sportin’! That’s good! Good! If only we had more ambitious young folk like you nowadays we might get more accomplished! Blasted mages! But I’m afeared yer gonna have to conceal your fancy get-up a little better. It simply won’t do to have you gallivanting about town, your armor glimmerin’ in the sun. We’re lowly hay merchants, remember that.”The man had a point, Fred supposed. “Alright, very well,” he conceded, wrapping his tattered cloak about him. “That’s the thing, though, isn’t it?” A mischievous smiled flashed across the ‘hay’ merchant’s face. “Oh?”Fred chuckled. “You seem to do quite well for a man of your standing - a lowly peddler of hay. Tell me now, Hamel, what is it you really trade in?” A serious look came over Hamel then, and he in a whisper he said, “What I’m about to tell you stays between you and me, got it?”“Haven’t we got beyond the formalities?” “Perhaps. But this more than a mere ‘formality’, son. This is me bread and butter!” The man went over to his cart and dug through the hay for a minute or two, then produced an oval-shaped item. It was an egg, and a large one at that!Fred was aghast! “What’s that you got there, praytell?” “My clientele are an eccentric lot. Let’s just say I deal in exotic commodities and leave it at that. We’ll be making a few drops in the east side today. All I need you to do is keep me company and do exactly as I say. Exactly as I say. Got it? If not, say so now, or forever hold your peace.”
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11/9/2007 3:33:12 PM
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