The Knights Explain Some Things
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 57112
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"I am Sir Lottalance, the leader of these knights," explained the leader,
who was quite obviously named Sir Lottalance. "We are, as you might
expect, a little square. Not hip. Social outcasts. So we banded
together and founded the town of Camelot with a charter signed at a table
where only we sat - hence the name, the Knights of the Square Table. So
far, there are only three things forbidden in our fair city: theft,
prayer, and bad singing. Outside of that, anything goes."
Fred nodded. Astra kept thinking of ways to kill all the knights and get out alive. "Now, during the Last Supper, Jesus had more than one cup passed around. Some people think as many as thirteen, but we're pretty sure there were at least two. Anyway, one of those became the Holy Grail, but another was tainted by Judas after Satan entered into him. It became the Unholy Grail. The other cups, if there were any, they're not so important. We seek the Unholy Grail because, quite selfishly, we want to put it in a little glass case and display it in our Museum of Silly Artifacts, which at present is filled only with Genghis Khan's burial shroud and some of Prester John's baby teeth." "You'd be surprised how many people come to see the museum," said another knight. "We charge admission, and that's enough to keep the whole town running," said another. Fred kept trying to buy time. "So you're Knights." The knights nodded. "Square knights." Another nod. "Who named themselves after the table they chartered a city at." More nods. "And you want this Unholy Grail to put on display." "That's right," said one. "You got it," said another. "And you engage in some very unholy activities before setting off on your quests, but you can't actually do the deed yourselves." Enthusiastic nods. "All except Galahad," explained one. "Yeah," said another. "He's the most impure." "All the rest of us, we've never actually made it with a woman," offered a third, whom Fred seemed to recall was Bors. "We're, well, too square. What did you expect?" Just then, a mysterious person in black armor on a black horse rode through the group. Everyone watched as he rode another few steps and lopped off the head of a famous historian. The gratuitous violence meant Fred and Astra didn't have to do anything now. And there was much rejoicing. "We're ready for our quest now," said Lottalance. "We'd love to have your company, Sir..." "Sir Fred," Fred said enthusiastically, extending his hand to shake that of Lottalance before remembering where that hand had been and pulling his back. "And the woman is Astra. A fine looker and an even better fighter." A few yelps as a dog ran into the circle. "Oh, this is Velus. He used to be a human, but he-" "Yes, yes, we know." Lottalance dismissed Fred's explanation. "We were wondering what happened to that horndog. He left years ago after a disagreement on principles and we hadn't seen him again till now. Looks like he got what was coming to him." "So," asked Astra, who appeared resigned to the fact that she was unwillingly taking part in this bizarre quest, "where exactly is this Unholy Grail?"
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unknown adventurer
3/8/2006 12:23:07 PM
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