Fred's Second AA Flashback

And then there was the lovely Astra. Annoyingly for Fred, while he can picture every other aspect of the scene perfectly, Astra remins a blur. He remembers that in those days he thought her the most enchanted and beautiful creature he had ever seen. Okay, maybe not the most enchanted because he had once seen some poor fellow have his buttocks turned into cheese, but certainly the most beautiful. However as Fred had spent that period of his life permanently soused on "Grod", he had no idea how beautiful she had actually been, or whether her imagined radiance had been merely the effect of "ale goggles". "I wonder what she is doing now?" Fred muses wistfully to himself.

This flashback continues and Fred sees a new figure entering the room, dressed in dark robes and with a hood pulled over the face. This was Hank, the AA chapter leader. Fred remembers with a chuckle how Hank had once "inadvertantly" mixed up the 12 Steps to Recovery with the 12 Labours of Hercules and gotten half of the chapter flame-broiled by hydras or mauled by giant lions.

Hank takes his place seated in the grandest chair at the head of the congregation and begins to speak:

"Asheyawa, asheyawa, asheyawa, asheyawa.", he intones in a squeaky high-pitched voice. Unfortunately due to a genetic accident, Hank was unable to say any words other than "Asheyawa". His every utterance therefore had to be translated by his constant companion, Honk.

"by Crom, that Honk was bonkers!" Fred thinks to himself, as in his vision he now sees the entrance of the Translator of Hank. His entry, as always, is proceeded by a series of earth-shaking thuds, alternating with barely-audible taps; the result of Honk eschewing the latest advances in prosthetic medicine and insisting on having his false leg made of cast iron. No less impressive was Honk to the eye than to the ear, for in additon to his iron leg he was incredibly hairy and boasted the most undersized pair of trousers in the Four Kingdoms. Honk hobbles over to Hank in a few final strides (causing those present to cover their ears lest their eardrums burst), produces a tiny trumpet from a trouser pocket, and holds it to his ear, turning his head so that the end of the trumpet is almost touching Hank's mouth. This is odd, as Hank has already finished speaking; however after a few minutes, Honk lowers the ear-trumpet, turns to the assembled soaks and announces "Good evening, my brothers and sisters. Welcome to this week's meeting. I would like to start the evening by inviting our dear brother Fred to tell us of his struggles to combat the demon drink since our last meeting a se'nnight past."

All eyes turn to Fred, who suddenly goes all dry-mouthed (and not bacause he needs a drink). The part of Fred which is at one step removed from this reminiscence now realises with a sense of dread that he is revisiting the single most awful moment of his life. . .

1. how he was accidentally responsible for Hank falling into the Bottomless Pit
2. How his attempt to woo Astra ended in humiliation
3. How his joke about the lute maker and the succubus got him expelled from the city

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