The Flaming Berets in "The Dragon Has Landed"

The Fourth Battalion of the King's Own Molten Infantry was acknowledged to be the toughtest, leanest, meanest and hottest unit in the Lava Army. Known to all and sundry as the Flaming Berets, they were always the first guys there when the fighting started (on the battlefront or the local tavern; they didn't care). Their motto was "Maximus Attitudinus Ex Vulcanis" and they lived each day as if it was their next. Drinking, smoking, women and guns were their only interests, but when it came to the wire there wasn't another bunch of Lava men in the entire Army you would rather have around when the chips were down.

The morning of the twelfth of Melttime saw the Berets reveilled at 5.30 am for an important briefing. Their C.O., Captain Stromboli, took the role call: "Now men, for reasons I am not allowed to divluge, when I read out your name I will also be providing a brief synopsis of your character."

He paused, just long enough to make sure he had the eye of every man, then continued:

"Etna, Sergeant J.T.: Grizzled veteran of the Lava-Glacier Wars, hard-bitten but would die to save any one of his men. Never seen without a cherroot in his mouth."

"Sir!"

"St Helens, Corporal Jehosophiah: Second in command, from the southern edges of the volcano. Trigger happy and prefers animals to lava people."

"Suh!"

Vesuvius, Private Willard: former college teacher, has the best knowledge of the caves' geography and geology, but may have a secret drinking problem."

"Sh-shur!"

"Krakatoa, Private Everard: Hot-headed youngster who looks up to Etna as a father figure. Painfully shy with females of most species."

"Sir!"

Privates Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa: twin brothers with an almost telepathic connection; their stealth and reconnaissance abilities are their main assets."

"Sir!"

"What he said!"

"Popocatepetl, Private Colin: Secretive and least team-minded member of the Berets, but the deadliest marksman in the Army."

"Whatever!"

Stromboli put down the roll list (which in any case had by now burst into flames) and eyed his men once more. "Men, we've just had our orders in from King Fred himself. Guess who got the brown end of the stick?"

"Somebody must like us, Sir!" Etna joked.

"Indeed Sergeant. But I guess now's the time to get serious."

The men's laughter died down, and he continued: "Word has reached HQ that the Dragon was seen last night flying over the western ash-slopes of Ewo Jeemer, near Fort Smokeville. His exact landing point was not seen, but projections indicate it to be somewhere near the Furnaces of Magma."

The batallion looked warily at each other - even for a crew as hard-boiled (not literally) as they, the name was enough to spell fear.

"Goin' up inta them furnaces, the Dragon'll be the least o' yer problems" drawled St Helens, pushing his hard hat further up his forehead with his rifle butt.

"I needn't tell you boys who's been assigned to head up there and get a fixed location for Minestus for the Artillery boys." Stromboli continued.

"Sure those Artillery boys don't want us to go over and wipe their butts for them as well?" chuckled Etna, but it was a grim chuckle.

Stromboli strode gravely up to the smouldering sergeant (that's literally smouldering: he doesn't fancy him or anything), and handed him a sheet of asbestos.

"These are your orders. You men move out in 40 minutes."

"Understood, sir."

"I wish I could go with you but it's my turn to do the doughnut round for the officer's mess. Good luck."

"Thank you, sir."

"And Sergeant."

"Yes sir?"

"Bring all the men back."

"Darn tootin', Sir!"

As Stromboli marched off towards the mess, Etna turned to face his men.

"Looks like we picked the cherry off the pie this time, boys." he grumbled. "But remember what they say: War is Hell, but Hell sounds pretty good to a Lava man!"

1. Next: The (Molten) Sands of Ewo Jeemer

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