Someone Give Dave a Valium. Aren't Those Pills Cheaper in Canada Anyway?
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 48927
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Josh finds himself standing in the midst of a vast, barren tundra that is
sparsely relieved by virgin evergreen groves growing stubbornly in
verdant patches here and there. On the horizon some snowy peaks reflect
the morning sun brilliantly. A frosty breeze sweeps through the stark,
frigid landscape and freezes Josh’s...well, you know... It is the damn Ice Age, folks. Okay? Anyway, as Josh takes in the scene, from somewhere nearby a denizen of these ancient plains is watching him with keen interest. It’s one of those wooly rhinoceros- looking things with a big blue face and fierce red eyes. It’s name is Dave and it likes daises and butterflies and rainbows and attacking anything that moves.“Good golly,” Josh sputters. “It looks like Canada. Better keep on the look out for Canadians. You know they’re up to something sinister living in that quiet, looming monster of a country to our north. With their ‘bagged milk’ and ‘socialized healthcare system’ and their ‘hockey’.” Josh. Idiot. That’s when Dave approaches from Josh’s blind spot and introduces itself to the gawking moron by ramming into him at freight train speed. Josh is thrown like a rag doll one hundred feet into the air - and lands in the top of a giant spruce that creaks like an angry old man whining about his heart medication in the wind. Dave snorts and rams the tree, it’s higher thinking faculties blurred by the raging chemicals coursing through it’s simple brain. He loses that round.Amazingly, Josh has broken no bones and his liver is only slightly bruised while the involuntary pancreas spasms nagging his gut suggest some mild to moderate internal bleeding. Also, he suffers a brief concussion and is plagued for the rest of his life with a bent vertebrae in his back. Until he goes to a chiropractor. Yes, they do actually help. Yes, they do charge way too much. Just don’t let them trick you into joining their cult. Once you’re in, you’ll never get out. Unless you die.Meanwhile... Josh clings desperately to the highest branches of the tree as the rhino-thing circles below. His tears fall softly to the ground as he weeps. “They have weird animals in Canada!” he proclaims, watching a pterodactyl swoop down to kill a hapless young crow overhead. “Scott never told me about this section of the staircase! Damn him!”Somewhere in the future Scott is still laughing at his dumb cartoons and pigging out on another box of food supply.
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Lost Soldier
1/27/2005 8:45:21 PM
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