I Need a Girl With a Short Mini-Skirt and a Long Jacket

Josh sets the phone aside for a moment, takes a deep breath, and finally musters up enough moxy to say, “Hi, dad. How ‘bout them...um...Colts?”

“Well first of all, I wouldn’t say he was a friend, dad. More of a ...parasitical hetero-life partner. But um. Yeah. It was this whole crazy thing.”

Josh hesitates. “You there?”

“What I don’t get is why you would tell your MOTHER, of all people. For Christ’s sake, Josh, she worries enough about you as it is. My son...a murderer. I never thought this day would come. I mean, I always knew you were a good-for-nothing laze about who spent too much time on that internet machine of yours watching porn. But this? Anyway, that being said, you know I never liked that Scott character. He was a bad influence on you. Who was the other poor son of a bitch?”

His father does an unexpected thing then...he laughs! “Well this is isn’t so bad. I was worried it might have been an immediate neighbor...like Jerry Seinfeld or Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The good one. God forbid. Who else have you told about this besides your poor God damn mother?”

“How exactly did you...do it?”

“Thatta boy! Okay, here’s what you do. Instead of bothering me with your God damn problems, and sending your mother into a fit of hysteria, go and FUCK YOURSELF. Look, I don’t judge you for what you did. But it’s not my problem. Shit, son. You’re making me an accessory just by calling me. Don’t call me again. Don’t show your face around here. This is YOUR problem, got it!? And remember, I love you and wish you the best in life.”

Damn.What now?

1. Well, suicide is always an option.
2. He can at least take off his expensive Bruno Maglis so they don't get stained by all of the blood.
3. Consult the Orb of All-Knowingness?
4. He could just shove their bodies down the staircase and hope for the best.
5. Or maybe he could pull some kind of "Weekend at Bernie's" type shit.
6. Or maybe just maybe, call Bill Murray? I mean, he is on speed-dial

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