The Seige of St Bernard's

Just then, a horde of wild demon-kittens descends and strips all the flesh from their bones in a matter of seconds.

The demon-kittens have arrived on the Isle of Dog Saints. Now nowhere is safe.

Within days the DKs (as they become known) have conquered all the outlying land and villages on the island. Now only the main town (called St Bernard's, of course) lies between them and total world domination . . .

"Damn you, Reverend Rex, will you put down that toy bone and look at this!" hisses Clavinus, leader of the Dog Saint Council. His canine colleague looks ruefully at Lord Clavinus and at the other Council members gathered in the Great Hall of the Cathedral/Parliament building, drops the offending bone and trots up to the large dias around which all the others are congregated.

Two items lie upon the dias. The first is a large detailed map of the island upon which are arrayed various small wooden tokens: the mass of dark overwhelming all but the centre represent the DKs; the pink and white spotted icons crammed into the centre indicate the remaining free Dog Saints. The second item is a large copper-bound book which appears to be very old and is now speckled with verdigris. Its cover is adorned with a large "Z".

It appears that Pope Poochie, most senior of the canine Council members, had been speaking, for it is he who continues when the Reverned Rex has reached the dias and sits expectantly on his hind legs:

"As I was saying before I was, ah, interrupted, I really cannot agree with Lord Clavinus that there is no alternative but to use (and at this point he appears to visibly shudder) Book Z."

"I see." replies Clavinus, restoking his pipe. "So you would have the sacred city of St Bernard's fall forever into the hands of these feline emissaries of evil?".

"Of course I would not," responds Pope Poochie, scratching behind his ear with a rear leg "but there must be some alternative to unleashing - them! Do we want the cure to be worse than the disease? And as for the cost to the individual who is charged with undertaking The Summoning - well I wish I could say 'May God have Mercy on his soul', but of course the Good Lord will do no such thing!"

"Then what do you suggest?" The speaker is Col, a human female whom many of the canines secretly suspect to be Clavinus's paramour. Pope Poochie looks at her with a look anyone but a human would recognise as thinly-veiled contempt.

"We could fight them with the Grace of God and the comforting grasp of cold steel."

"What? A face-on battle with the demon-kittens? They outnumber us two to one! And of course they are immune to most secular weapons!"

"Ah, I was speaking - metaphorically. Of course we will employ every weapon in our divine arsenal: the Crook of St Latimer, the teeth of the Holy Hound, The Sacred Big Stick With Nails In It. We will call on the divine to bless our cause. We will -"

"We will surely die if we follow such a plan!" The speaker is Yo, a crossbreed bitch with a white collar who seems to have been on the Council as long as anyone can remember. No respecter of tradition however, Yo Bitch proceeds to vomit up her last meal before continuing: "Back in the old days, there was rumoured to be a secret passage somewhere in this building. A passage which led all the way to another world. A world where time passes a thousand times more quickly that it does here. The passage is supposedly so wide that a hundred humans or canines can walk side by side along it at the same time. I say we find this passage, lead the people of the city to this other world and wait a year or two, by when the KDs will have had two millenia to become bored and leave the planet."

There are howls of both agreement and disagreement from the assembled Council members. Eventually Calvinus raises a hand to his mouth and blows on a small whistle. The canine members immediately fall silent. The humans soon follow suit.

Once there is silence, Lord Calvinus speaks: "It would seem that we have three options: to fight the demons head on and trust in the Lord to deliver victory; to search for a hidden passage that may not exist so that we can flee this beloved island; or to use the only weapon we have which can defeat our infernal foes: Book Z's Rite of Summoning."

("Not exactly an unbiased summary" Reverend Rex observes quietly, "but a reasonably accurate one".)

"Let us put the matter to the vote!"

The vote is solemnly undertaken on a show of hands/paws.

1. The Council votes to invoke the Rite of Summoning from Book Z
2. The Council votes to engage the kitten-demons directly
3. The Council votes to search for the secret passage to another world
4. Just then, a horde of wild demon-kittens descends and strips all the flesh from their bones in a matter of seconds

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