Only in America
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 46402
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“Brilliant idea! Absolute genius! You’re just the kind of forward-
thinking individual we need around here,” President Jones extolled his
newly appointed Assistant Vice President. He appropriately took a puff
from his expensive Cuban cigar and directed a mischievous wink at Fred,
who was seated at the other end of the executive’s desk. “I can see why
my
daughter threw herself at you like she did. Why, I’m almost tempted to
come over there and dry hump your leg myself!” Fred managed a nervous smile. “You’ve got a big future ahead of you, young man,” the capitalist pig rambled on. “We need progressive minds around here, ready to tackle the challenges of this bright new century. Bla bla bla bla bla, blah, blah-blah blah blah, blah blah blah....” And he went on like that, as was the fashion of his kind.Later that day... Fred was sprawled on a comfortable leather couch in the office of noted therapist Doctor Wolfgang Von Dorfendervlepterschnegen, who was furiously scratching away at his notepad while Fred recounted one of his recent dreams. “I can remember it like it was yesterday,” Fred explained. “My Quest. That damned map. Why did it have to be so confusing? The King stood before the people and spoke...”30 minutes later... “...and then I massaged her breasts. And that’s when I woke up. Um, are you asleep, doctor?”Dr. Dorfendervlepterschnegen jolted in his chair as if he’d been struck by a bolt of lightening. “Hmmm, what?” He cleared his throat. “Um, very good. Now where were we?” He scanned over his notes. “Something about a staircase room and some teal sofas and boxed food supplies over in a corner, was it?” Fred frowned and sat up. “No! Have you been listening at all!?” The doctor blushed and shuffled through his notepad. “Sorry,” he offered. “Must have gotten your notes mixed up with another patient of mine.” He continued his frantic search. “Ah! Here we are! So you ate some berries in this dream of yours and now women seem to be irresistibly attracted to you. Mind sharing some of those berries with me? Ha ha, only joking.”Fred didn’t find it very funny. “I want answers, doctor,” he insisted. “What’s wrong with me? I mean, since this dream everything in my life has been going right, in contrast to the my miserable existence before it. But...why? What’s going on!?” The doctor scratched his chin and mulled over the question. “I’m going to prescribe a strict regimen of Zoloft, Prozac, and Xanax. And I’ll throw in some Valium to take the edge off your nerves, just for good measure. I look forward to our next session in two weeks.”Fred fidgeted uneasily. “Are you sure pills are the answer?”
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Lost Soldier (God Bless the U.S.A.)
10/19/2004 4:22:06 PM
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