Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign (or in Certain Circles, 'I Saw the Sign'...or in others 'A Stupid, Boring Episode')
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 46164
|
The poor little fellow never knew what hit him. Belboz peered at the now deceased man and then at Fred. “You killed him,” he said dully, and went back to studying his tome, casually flipping through the mystic pages. Fred wiped away the gore from his sword with his handy handkerchief and shrugged. “Can I get a refund or something?” Belboz yawned and pointed at a sign posted over in the corner of his chamber which read: No refunds. Ever.“What a rip-off,” the kingdom’s greatest warrior fumed. “Can I at least exchange this scroll for another one?” Belboz pointed to another sign. This one read simply: No.Fred, who was filthy rich anyway, gave in. “Fine! Let me buy another scroll then.” The necromancer’s eyes gleamed with greedy delight. “That I can manage,” he happily declared. “Of course you know our prices have gone up due to the rough hurricane season we’ve been experiencing.”Fred was flabbergasted. “What does the weather have to due with a bloody scroll!?” “Good question. One that deserves a worthy answer.”Fred tapped his foot impatiently. “And that answer is...” “A worthy one,” the bloated old gasbag replied abruptly. “If it makes you feel any better I’ll tell you that a third of the proceeds go to charity.”Our beloved hero had never been a good barterer, so he just accepted the new price and forked over the loot. Belboz, in turn, snatched up the coins and handed him another parchment. Fred unfurled the scroll and recited the arcane text: “Qwerty Ui Op As Dfg Hjkl Zxcvb Nm.” A cheese sandwich appeared before him. Fred ate it. It was good. But as is the case with all good things, there was a trade off. For now you see, gentle reader, he was thirsty. And alas, he’d brought no water with him on his sacred quest - only a jug of Geldan vodka. “Can I get something to wash that down with?” he politely inquired of the pale magician.Belboz merely pointed to another sign that Fred was sure hadn’t been there a moment before. It read: Sorry, we’re closed. “Ludicrous!” Fred roared.Belboz grunted and pointed to - you’ve got it - ANOTHER sign. Boy golly gee he sure had alot of signs. And what did this one say? Well I’ll tell what it said. It said: You’re right. We’re NOT sorry. Enough was enough. Fred brandished his sword and exposed his teeth like an angry baboon, growling menacingly. “ME WANT DRINK!” he raged.Belboz drank from his bottle of water and nodded sympathetically, pointing to what we can only hope was the last sign he’d be pointing to today. And this one read: There’s a pop machine further down the corridor. Take your first left when the passageway divides and keep going. Eventually you’ll see it. Now please go away. Fred stormed away from the necromancer’s chamber and, following his directions, finally came unto the machine of pop dispensing function. Taped to the machine was...a sign, pronouncing the machine to be ‘out of order’.
|
Lost Soldier
10/7/2004 9:37:37 AM
Linking Enabled
Extending Enabled
21473025 episodes viewed since 9/30/2002 1:22:06 PM.