"Soft" Science Fiction Meets Science Fiction Spoof....

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 44920

Edward Solomon

"Because a really good, hot cup of tea is what makes the stardrive on that ship work, Arthur." I say after getting the nod from Artizza. "Tea is important for the type of drive it is."

Moments later over on the distress ship, having just met Marvin and having a VERY unproductive meeting with the manic robot...

Marvin (http://www. sadgeezer.com /hhg/marvin. htm) . . .! What kind of . . .?!

At least I see I'm not the only one annoyed here... Then again a lot of this business has been a bit . . . annoying to me, a Star Fleet (former Marqui freedom fighter) engineer....

If I hadn't been brief before hand I'd have thought it some kind of joke. In another reality (the reality which the those like Arthur Dent and Ford Perfect were only part of a work of fiction), but this is from a person who had come (or rather crafted from) a person who'd haled from a reality (Star Trek: TNG) who's history was a work of fiction in another reality!

I'm just thanking God that my equipment works in this wacko place! Yeah, I can buy warp drive, an FTL starship drive who's heart depended upon Dilithium Crystals (i.e. a chunk of rock, basically). But to think that a cup of . . . . a DRINK is the heart of this ship we're going to be going over! This Improbability Drive . . .

Ah, I'd laughed when Cuthbert had told me. Though it was a right good joke! But here I am, sheperding an elf as we make a tea run! The basic specks of the drive I'll give the link to, don't want to go into it here and now. Not enough real time for it:

http://www. sadgeezer.com /hhg/i-drive. htm

And then, of course, I must mention this reality's version of the "Star Trekker" Universal Translator, the Babel Fish, the leech like things stuck in Ford's and Arthur's ears. You remember Star Trek: the Wrath of Khan? Wonder why I'm shuddering about putting leech like things in ears? Well, if you want the specifics to THAT creature (the B. Fish), try this:

http://www. sadgeezer.com /hhg/babel. htm

It's excrement (psionic in nature) is the translation?!

Finally, let's not get me started on the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation ! "Your plastic pal that's fun to be with!" BAH!! Link here to see more on those madmen! Yeah, they do have a date with the shooting squad, those blokes!

Gee, must be getting into the spirit of things or have been spending too much time with Diane Walker if I'm using terms like "bloke"...

Anyway, here's a link for info on that stupid corporation:

http://www. sadgeezer. com/hhg/ sirius.htm

Just listening to our greeter, Marvin, vindicated all the terrible things he'd told us to expect!

Let's get down to it!

Politeness failed and Marvin's . . . not being exactly helpful.

"Marvin, we'll do something 'bout your diodes later," I snap. "Get us to your Drive so we can replace the damn tea that got spilt and your replicators or whatever cannot reproduce! Let's do THAT before we all become free floating ionized gas, shall we? Even you're planet sized PEABRAIN can understand THAT, right!?"

Before the sad droid can say something more, a harried looking young woman I take as Trillian (http:/ /www.sadgeezer .com/hhg/ trillion .htm) comes in asking (rather annoyed) why Marvin hasn't shown us in yet.

Thank GOD! Marvin had been . . .

Trying . . .

"MOVE out of the way!" Fertal growls at Marvin, stepping past without waiting for an answer and presenting the tea to the human woman. (She smells human to my demifox nose, if you must know). "Hear you had an unfortunate accident? It's Earl Grey, but I beleive it'll do?"

"Care for a cup of tea?" I smile at the blinking woman.

  1. "Uh, yes." she sputters. "H-how did you know that we . . .?"

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8/24/2004 4:13:01 PM

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