Renting Out the Staircase Room

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 42300

By the next morning, however, he realizes he can’t go on living another day in the staircase room where he’d shared so many memories with Scott. So he phones the local newspaper and puts an ad in for an apartment for rent.

The following day a young couple show up who seem to be very interested in renting. They bring along their little dog.

“As you can see, the place has several attractive features,” Josh informs the potential buyers as he gives them the grand tour. “Namely, the strangely inaccessible spiral staircase plunging through the ceiling and floor which seems to lead to both nowhere and everywhere. It's a real converstaion piece, let me tell you. There’s also some boxed food in the corner there. And those teal sofas come with the place, no extra charge.”

“Oh, Nancy just loves shoving her face full of boxed food,” the man points out.

“And Greg here just can’t get enough of sitting on his ass all day,” Nancy says cheerily, gesturing at the sofas.

The couple gaze at each other lovingly.

Josh is ecstatic. “Great! I’ll draw up the paperwork and this place is as good as yours!”

But that’s when that annoying little dog starts yapping at a spot in the room where the wallpaper seems newer and sloppier than anywhere else.

Greg goes over to inspect what the dog is getting all excited about. “Hmmm, looks like there used to be a door here,” he notes, to Josh’s great horror. “Looks like it was sealed over quite recently, in fact.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Josh says sternly. “There’s absolutely nothing beyond that point. Nothing at all. Your dog is just being stupid.”

Nancy rushes over to the little fur ball and gathers it up in her arms. “Fifi isn’t stupid!”

“Well then Fifi will ignore that area, if it knows what’s good for it!” Josh replies with a menacing tone in his voice. “You’ll all ignore that area, if you have any concern over your personal well being!”

Greg straightens up and advances on Josh. “Mr. Burbank, are you threatening my family!?”

Josh produces his Magnum and fires a shot into the air. “EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR!”

Nancy squeals in terror and dives onto her belly, squashing Fifi in the process. The dog dies instantly. Greg starts sobbing like a little girl and obeys the man with the gun.

“YOU GUYS HAVE CROSSED THE WRONG GUY!” Josh continues shouting, then starts laughing hysterically. “YOU JUST COULDN’T DO THE ONE SIMPLE THING I ASKED OF YOU! COULD YOU!?” He goes over and shoves the nozzle of the gun in Greg’s mouth. “COULD YOU!? WHAT’S WRONG, GREG!? WHY DON’T YOU ANSWER ME!? IS THERE SOMETHING IN YOUR MOUTH, GREG!? OH WAIT, THAT’S THE BARREL OF MY OF MY GUN, ISN’T IT, GREG!? ISN’T IT!?”

Gregs nods his head pitifully.

“WELL NOW, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH TWO OF YOU...”

  1. Indeed, what is Josh going to do with the two of them?
  2. Right about then, Jerry Seinfeld shows back up. Such timing.

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5/24/2004 10:57:19 AM

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