The Weapons Closet
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 40216
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As Belinda and Carola disappeared behind the clothes box to change into
their new clothes, Fred turned to Gnome-boy. "Would it be possible to get
some weapons for them? And maybe for me, too, if you’ve got some
enchanted stuff."
Gnome-boy opened a door to the right. "This is the weapons closet. Every weapon that comes in gets identified, tagged with identification, and catalogued by four different methods. You wouldn’t believe the lengths Qundarian and I go to so that someone can finally get that darned ring." Astra, looking at the sword section, asked, "Well, why don’t you go and grab the ring?" Gnome-boy thought about it for a little bit and then said, "Look, lady. Look at me. I’m—what? One meter tall? Do you really think I’d stand a chance against the two-meter-tall giants that guard the entrance to the chamber of gold?" Fred looked worried. "There are two-meter-tall giants out there?" "Yeah. And I only know that because I asked one of the few people who made it back alive where the wet spot in his pants came from." Fred asked, "People get out alive without completing the quest?" "Not many. You can turn back at any time, but most people are dead before they try to turn back. And if you’re thinking about quitting now, don’t. I’ve heard horror stories from Qundarian about what he does to those cowards who run away from the quest. That guy with the wet spot burst into flames about five minutes after he told me about the giants." Gnome-boy and Fred had walked into the cleaver section. "This is the Butcher Knife of Dragon Vanquishing. It floated in from another thread. It’s the most powerful enchanted object in here, but no one ever takes it because no one has ever found a practical use for it on this quest. You’re much better off with the Bow of Precision or the Sword of Fire." Fred went over to the sword section, only to discover that Astra had already claimed the Sword of Fire, not because it was the best weapon in the area, but because the flame perfectly matched the color of her hair. "Women," grunted Fred. "All alike." He decided to look for another sword. A green one caught his eye. "What’s that?" he asked. "That’s supposed to be a lightsaber, but it’s just a cheap plastic knockoff. It doesn’t do anything. It’s just here because I think fake energy swords go here instead of in the 'Other' section." Disappointed, Fred decided to keep his old, boring sword, and move to the "Other" section, where he found a couple of interesting things. "What are these?" "That," said Gnome-boy, pointing to something that looked vaguely like an electric razor, "is a stunner. You get close to your enemy, push this button here, and then thousands of volts go into his body and he’s immobile for a few seconds, enough time for you to chop his head off." Interesting, Fred thought. "I’ll take it." "And that," said Gnome-boy, "is a banana."
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unknown adventurer
3/21/2004 7:15:11 PM
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