As the World Turns
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 38619
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Fred’s outlook brightened. “They’re harmless,” he whispered to
Astra, “and probably tasty. I think we may have our next meal.” Nevermind
the sentient part. That's our Fred.
The ever-sagacious Astra wasn’t so sure. “I dunno,” she said apprehensively. “I haven’t seen this many hairy fuzzballs since the last time I took a shower in High School gym class. Resistance is futile.” Fred was a trifle appalled by that gym class comment, but she made a good point. “Given their size, though, I’m sure we could take them. They're not the #@!*ing Borg,” he refuted. “I think you've been watching too many Star Trek re-runs.”“And I think you smell like an ape. But that's beside the point. Let’s just pretend we want to befriend them, then we’ll throttle them in their sleep, you know, like Alex and I planned to do with you and Billings - , er, I mean....nothing. Sorry. Oops. I mean, not oops. Or. Something. The weather’s beautiful here, isn’t?” “What?”“Nothing. Just shut up.” “No, no I wont shut up, Astra. What were you going to say!?”“I was going to say shut up. So, shut up.” The hairballs had, of course, overheard the entire exchange between the two marooned addlebrains.“I’m not stupid,” Fred defended. “I know what you meant to say. Well...well, Robert and I planned things too. We throttled things. And stuff. You think you’re so hot? You’re not hot. You’re overrated. And...you’re a stupid head. There, I said it.” He took a deep breath. “Wow, I feel better.” “Guys, cut this nonsense out!” Alex broke in. "This is exactly what Zerm would want...”“Oh just SHUT UP about Zerm already!” Fred snapped. “It’s always Zerm this and Zerm that with you, isn’t it Alex! Well you can go Zerm yourself for all I care! I can’t believe I ever had any romantic notions about you!” Alex raised an eyebrow. “Do what in a what!?”“I mean....” the nobelman stammered, a lump building in his throat. “Nothing. Oh, this is all happening so fast! Oh Horace, where are you when I need you most!? I should have never left that wonderful little island!” “You mean the one you named after me!?” Astra sneered.“How did you...? I mean, shut up! I hate all of you! Leave me alone!” And with that Fred retreated back into the jungle. Astra wiped her hands. “Good riddance.” She turned back to the fuzzball who had spoke first. “I apologize for that,” she offered. “We surely don’t mean to eat you or anything.”The fuzzball looked offended. “What - you think we aren’t tasty! Well I’ll have you know we’re considered a delicacy in parts of Gelda and outer-Oobat! We’re an acquired taste, maybe, and a little stringy, too, perhaps! And sometimes we can be a little gassy. We're the first to admit it, okay!? It's nothing a little Malox can’t handle! But we’re positively delectable beer-battered and deep-fried!” Astra scratched her head. “That's really not saying much. I could beer batter and deep fry shit on a stick and it'd probably be good.”“Nevermind,” the fuzzball huffed. “We can tell when we’re not wanted. C’mon, let’s get out of here.” And away they went, every last fuzzball. “You always do this, Astra!” raged Alex. “You push everyone away with your overbearing attitude! You’ve got some real relationship problems! Now we’re alone on a savage island!”“Jesus, Alex,” the warrior princess sighed. “Let it rest.” “I’ve let it rest our whole lives!” her brother retorted. “And I can’t hold it in any longer! I just can’t! Maybe someday, when you’ve grown, we can be friends again. But...I...I just can’t do this anymore!” And up the lava flow Alex ran, deserting Astra as had the others.Astra blinked. “Holy Christ, what just happened?” she muttered to herself. “I need a friggin’ vacation...”
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Lost Soldier
3/16/2004 5:26:36 PM
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